Today I find myself
Reflecting on past times
And the journey which I have just trod
I reflect on the experience
which have moulded me
and shaped my destiny
my thoughts, rivers which run
into the whole of me
powering the momentum of action
creating, breathing life into
the person who represents me
which identifies me as who I am
I am who I am at this moment in time
Today I find myself
On a spiritual ladder of contentment
Where I am easily guided into the
Moment of truth
No longer afraid to face my reflection
No longer afraid to look into my eyes and
Into the windows of my inner soul
I am revealed on many levels
Because truth imparts itself within and without of me
I am the mirror of who I am
I am the inner of who I am
I am the outer of who I am
I can no longer hide dark secrets about me
Because the conviction of my spirit which encapsulates my soul
Will not allow me to be inauthentic
Today I find myself
In a place where I have conquered many things
Yet still I strive for the betterment of myself
Yet still I rise, into the clouds of understanding
Continuously evaluating who I am
And what I stand for
What representation to others do I offer?
From what perspective do I live my life
And am I truly honouring and respecting who I am?
So that this be reflective of my life around me?
Today I find myself
Nodding the sentiments of the Great Ghandi
When he quoted:
“Be the change you want to see in the world”
For only in doing so, only in taking
Responsibility for ones own choices and decisions made
Can we truly find the contentment that awaits us
Just around the corner
So tomorrow I will find myself
Pondering on the actions of my yesterday
And realising that the continual striving
And journey of the self, has not yet begun
Esther Austin©All Rights Reserved 21st March 2008
21 March 2008
25 February 2008
Today I Finally Looked in the Mirror
I wrote this piece after speaking to a friend today. I had experienced the below two years ago when I had to look in the mirror. So I hope the below helps someone somewhere in the journey through life. Much love
Today, I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I whispered to myself “You are beautiful.” The silence that stretched before me surprised me. The ache that swept through my body, surprised me. I felt downcast, disappointed, rejected. My soul shed a tear at that moment because I had missed the reason why it was important to look in the mirror. I questioned my soul asking “Was this not what you wanted me to do? Am I not being authentic? Have I not taken the courageous step of confronting my fear of being able to face the mirror without fear, self-hate or pity?” What more did my soul want me to do? What more was expected of me? Had I not journeyed to this place for so long a time that exhaustion had swept its way into my very psyche?
As the tears welled up even more from within me, a pain like the sear of fire tore through me. Yet, still I could not understand. I wanted to walk away from that mirror, I wanted to smash that mirror, because the mirror was trying to tell me something, that I could not, at that moment comprehend. Yet the answer to this dilemma was right in front of me and I failed to see it.
I then turned to face that mirror once again, a determined and defiant glint in my eye. I stood in the silence of my own searching. I stood ready to receive whatever would unfold before me. Every part of me screamed for the answer to be revealed. What was it that I had done wrong? What was it that I was still searching for? Once again silence shrouded me. A small voice came to me to listen to the voice within. I needed to be still. I needed to learn to listen and only then would the truth be revealed to me. I had to learn to be obedient to my own inner voice. I had to learn to be obedient to the message that God was delivering in me and through me, but first of all, I had to learn to be still.
And then a voice came to me saying you deny yourself the right to be and feel beautiful. You reject the inner beauty of your soul and who you really are. I stared at myself and as my soul began to emerge from the dross I had built over it. As my soul began to emerge from the hate that had surrounded it. As my true self began to emerge from the point of stagnation, arrogance, fear and confusion that I had allowed to consume my inner spirit it suddenly dawned on me. I had chosen to use the wrong words. I had chosen to use words of a defeatist nature. I had to reclaim my personal power and responsibility to me. So the first line of this article should read thus:
“Today I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I shouted to the hilltops that I AM BEAUTIFUL. Because I had whispered to myself “You are beautiful” in that instant I had given away my personal responsibility to accept that I was worthy. In that instant when I “whispered” these words, I was stating that I was small and insignificant. In that instant when I addressed myself in the third person “You are beautiful” I had rejected my existence.
At this point of recognition, it was as if scales had fallen from my eyes and my body, heart, soul and spirit had finally been liberated. Therefore, once again I would like to reiterate:
Today, I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I shouted to the hilltops that I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I….AM……BEAUTIFUL
“Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave
I am the dream and the hope of the slaves
I rise, I rise, I rise”
Dr Maya Angelou
Today, I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I whispered to myself “You are beautiful.” The silence that stretched before me surprised me. The ache that swept through my body, surprised me. I felt downcast, disappointed, rejected. My soul shed a tear at that moment because I had missed the reason why it was important to look in the mirror. I questioned my soul asking “Was this not what you wanted me to do? Am I not being authentic? Have I not taken the courageous step of confronting my fear of being able to face the mirror without fear, self-hate or pity?” What more did my soul want me to do? What more was expected of me? Had I not journeyed to this place for so long a time that exhaustion had swept its way into my very psyche?
As the tears welled up even more from within me, a pain like the sear of fire tore through me. Yet, still I could not understand. I wanted to walk away from that mirror, I wanted to smash that mirror, because the mirror was trying to tell me something, that I could not, at that moment comprehend. Yet the answer to this dilemma was right in front of me and I failed to see it.
I then turned to face that mirror once again, a determined and defiant glint in my eye. I stood in the silence of my own searching. I stood ready to receive whatever would unfold before me. Every part of me screamed for the answer to be revealed. What was it that I had done wrong? What was it that I was still searching for? Once again silence shrouded me. A small voice came to me to listen to the voice within. I needed to be still. I needed to learn to listen and only then would the truth be revealed to me. I had to learn to be obedient to my own inner voice. I had to learn to be obedient to the message that God was delivering in me and through me, but first of all, I had to learn to be still.
And then a voice came to me saying you deny yourself the right to be and feel beautiful. You reject the inner beauty of your soul and who you really are. I stared at myself and as my soul began to emerge from the dross I had built over it. As my soul began to emerge from the hate that had surrounded it. As my true self began to emerge from the point of stagnation, arrogance, fear and confusion that I had allowed to consume my inner spirit it suddenly dawned on me. I had chosen to use the wrong words. I had chosen to use words of a defeatist nature. I had to reclaim my personal power and responsibility to me. So the first line of this article should read thus:
“Today I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I shouted to the hilltops that I AM BEAUTIFUL. Because I had whispered to myself “You are beautiful” in that instant I had given away my personal responsibility to accept that I was worthy. In that instant when I “whispered” these words, I was stating that I was small and insignificant. In that instant when I addressed myself in the third person “You are beautiful” I had rejected my existence.
At this point of recognition, it was as if scales had fallen from my eyes and my body, heart, soul and spirit had finally been liberated. Therefore, once again I would like to reiterate:
Today, I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I shouted to the hilltops that I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I….AM……BEAUTIFUL
“Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave
I am the dream and the hope of the slaves
I rise, I rise, I rise”
Dr Maya Angelou
14 February 2008
Learning the Importance of Spreading Love
Dear All
Just wanting to wish you all a wonderful Valentine’s Day. But then again, the spirit of this day should be celebrated, I feel as often as is possible.
I guess, for me the reason I state this is because we never know what is around the corner. Some of us may never see another Valentine’s Day, so does that mean therefore that we cannot show our love in the special way it was meant to be celebrated and appreciated at any time?
It is a wonderful gesture where one day is specifically set aside to embrace and acknowledge a theme. We have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and a plethora of other days, celebrating and giving credence to something which in theory is great. Yet in practice this can actually limit us in our thinking that this is the only day we can express and celebrate.
The majority of these celebratory days are usually to do with love and appreciation. Yet the key to love and appreciation is that we employ the expression of these attributes on a daily basis, more so starting with ourselves first. I try to instill this belief into everything I do, and with those people close to me. I tell my children everyday that I love them and that they are good boys. I endear them to kiss me before they leave the house in the morning and they do this unconditionally.
I tell my partner regularly that I love him, because to me it is important. I tell my good friend, who I often refer to as my “big brother” that I appreciate him and love him dearly. I don’t want to wait until something happens and these people are no longer around for me to think “if only.” I tell my other best friend often how I appreciate and love her as a sister.
I often find it amazing that when someone passes away, people come together, a social gathering to talk openly about the qualities, attributes etc of the deceased. We commemorate them, yet, I am sure for many they would be unaware of how many people really felt about them and how appreciated and loved they really were.
There is a saying that “the grave is full of rich people” in terms of people’s dreams, hopes and aspirations which have gone unfulfilled. Yet for me there also stems another saying “the grave is also full of sad, lonely and haunted souls who never felt or even knew they were appreciated or loved.”
In a world which is becoming more socially and environmentally conscious. In a world where man’s consciousness about humanitarian needs are striking a chord in many. In a world where many people are trying to do their part to give back, let us start with ourselves first. Let us learn to love who we are first and foremost and appreciate who we are as unique individuals and then let us share that love, let it spill out from within us to those around us and watch how your life and the lives of others around you will change.
Much love and respect to one and all always
Just wanting to wish you all a wonderful Valentine’s Day. But then again, the spirit of this day should be celebrated, I feel as often as is possible.
I guess, for me the reason I state this is because we never know what is around the corner. Some of us may never see another Valentine’s Day, so does that mean therefore that we cannot show our love in the special way it was meant to be celebrated and appreciated at any time?
It is a wonderful gesture where one day is specifically set aside to embrace and acknowledge a theme. We have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and a plethora of other days, celebrating and giving credence to something which in theory is great. Yet in practice this can actually limit us in our thinking that this is the only day we can express and celebrate.
The majority of these celebratory days are usually to do with love and appreciation. Yet the key to love and appreciation is that we employ the expression of these attributes on a daily basis, more so starting with ourselves first. I try to instill this belief into everything I do, and with those people close to me. I tell my children everyday that I love them and that they are good boys. I endear them to kiss me before they leave the house in the morning and they do this unconditionally.
I tell my partner regularly that I love him, because to me it is important. I tell my good friend, who I often refer to as my “big brother” that I appreciate him and love him dearly. I don’t want to wait until something happens and these people are no longer around for me to think “if only.” I tell my other best friend often how I appreciate and love her as a sister.
I often find it amazing that when someone passes away, people come together, a social gathering to talk openly about the qualities, attributes etc of the deceased. We commemorate them, yet, I am sure for many they would be unaware of how many people really felt about them and how appreciated and loved they really were.
There is a saying that “the grave is full of rich people” in terms of people’s dreams, hopes and aspirations which have gone unfulfilled. Yet for me there also stems another saying “the grave is also full of sad, lonely and haunted souls who never felt or even knew they were appreciated or loved.”
In a world which is becoming more socially and environmentally conscious. In a world where man’s consciousness about humanitarian needs are striking a chord in many. In a world where many people are trying to do their part to give back, let us start with ourselves first. Let us learn to love who we are first and foremost and appreciate who we are as unique individuals and then let us share that love, let it spill out from within us to those around us and watch how your life and the lives of others around you will change.
Much love and respect to one and all always
24 January 2008
Quotes about Self Love
“You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”
“I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself”
Mae West quotes (American Actress and sex symbol, 1892-1980)
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely”
Carl Gustav Jung quotes (Swiss psychiatrist, Psychologist and Founder of the Analytic Psychology, 1875-1961)
“If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.”
Barbara De Angelis quotes (American researcher on relationships and personal growth)
“I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself”
Mae West quotes (American Actress and sex symbol, 1892-1980)
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely”
Carl Gustav Jung quotes (Swiss psychiatrist, Psychologist and Founder of the Analytic Psychology, 1875-1961)
“If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.”
Barbara De Angelis quotes (American researcher on relationships and personal growth)
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