LIFE IS A KALIEDOSCOPE - MEDITATIVE VIDEO WITH POETRY

This poem speaks about life in all its complexity and glory.

Author and poet, Esther Austin beautifully narrates this poem

How I tripped into a deluge of Doubt - Week ending Friday 18th June 2010

This week has taken me on a roller coaster of a journey with ‘doubt’ my 6 legged friend. Doubt being the main hub with fear, frustration, loneliness and its other For three or four days this week I struggled. I got up one morning and self doubt assailed me like a tomb, I actually felt my energy levels take a dive. For once in a very very long time, I felt as if I wasn’t doing enough, as if business was static and with those feelings I found myself becoming more and more frustrated.

I felt that I should be doing more and began to question what was I doing wrong. All of a sudden I felt like a failure. There was also something very important playing on my mind. The inability to express myself and feelings in terms of a particular situation, as I am a person who likes to express, and that frustration coupled with this sudden onset of insecurity and not feeling good enough almost drove me to tears yesterday.

The urge to speak to someone was so strong, to express how I felt, to talk the pain out of my heart, to just get out what had built up inside, to speak out my pain because I had begun to feel pain and I was aching inside. Aching for an intimacy to be had in my life, aching from the frustration of working so hard and ‘feeling’ I was still not doing enough.

These feelings had been building up since Saturday. There is a saying that no man is an island and certainly for me, someone who spends an incredible amount of time on her own, which I enjoy by the way, made me also realise that I needed to stick my head up from my computer and papers and seek the comfort and company of a good friend or two, which was such a blessing.

As I poured out my heart to this special lady, she suddenly said (as she is highly intuitive and psychic) you need a break, you are working so hard, there is one piece to the puzzle that is keeping you in this position and that is you need to promote yourself more widely, so that you can generate more clients, then you can get a break. You are carrying a lot. I must admit I am a workaholic and therefore, I have told those close to me to shake me out of my spot once a week to do something, to get me out and about. Yet this week was such a learning curve for me. The universe allowed me to become vulnerable. I didn’t particularly like the feeling, but I had to be taken there to a place where I got so frustrated that I wanted to cry and even then, I couldn’t because I was trying to hold onto sanity and therefore at that moment by shedding tears – I would’ve crumpled.

Last night, I spent a while speaking with another dear friend. He listened and I shared, then he shared and we came away both feeling better and even healed from being able to release. I just needed to talk things through at a very deep level. A level of consciousness that went deep, as I needed to go there. I looked at how I was handling me. I looked at how I was feeling about me and this situation. I looked at me from every angle possible and just having the space to talk and to release and to get it out was so powerful and in the space of analysing, I also knew I was being too hard on myself, constantly pushing the bar to the next level and not totally being present to embrace life as it was presented to me at that moment in time.

Today I do not ache as much as I have been over the past 3-4 days, because what I had to learn to do yesterday was to accept a few situations as they were, to pull back from having any expectation whatsoever and to know that everything was in divine order and to allow the universe and God to work in their mysterious and magical way. I am calmer and learning to fall back into me again and to trust. I have also learned to just accept my feelings and to know it is ok to feel what I feel. Isn’t that the beauty of love, to know it is ok to love.

Once in a while I slip off my train which hurtles through life. I have learned especially this year to enjoy the scenery as I go along by slowing it down a little. I often take myself off for bike rides and find the most remote of places where I can just sit in open space and dream or meditate. Or I head off for long walks along river banks and parks and other outdoors spaces. I love the outdoors as it nurtures and replenishes and revitalises me.

Today, this message is simply to say that NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. I had to reach out to a few people yesterday. Those close to me and whom I trust. But most of all I had to learn to fall back into the arms of God and the universal flow of energy. I was at the end of my tether, I was tired, I was aching. I needed to share and to feel as if I was being heard. For once, I wanted to be the one someone listened to.
So once again remember, NO MAN IS AN ISLAND.

Esther

Unconditional Love and Respect

(These get it - Unconditional Love - ahhhhh)

Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs. It is a concept comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unconditional_love



This word has become another one of those clichéd and over-used words amongst many other words which in their simplicity have very profound meanings . Words which not only empower, carry impact and emotion, but which define a richness of humanity’s core essence, a platform upon which standards and values are created and built on. Yet many of these words have been reduced to a drizzle of their former meanings.
Love, more so unconditional love is a gift which many of us never experience in life, because society dictates that conditions are placed on this feeling. A feeling which embodies healthy communication, honesty, integrity, friendship, unity, togetherness yet individuality. How we experience receiving and giving love is usually dependent upon various factors i.e our parents, upbringing, life experiences, our perception of life who we think we are etc, etc.

Therefore, many people lower their standards in order to accommodate sub-standard levels of love which can often be dictated by control, manipulation and conditions, disempowering our true authentic selves, where we loose our sense of identity. Yet, to be fair, because we all seek to be loved individuals will put up with even a little bit of love.

Unconditional love has nothing to do with power, nor manipulation. It is not about switching your emotions on when you feel like it and then turning them off. Unconditional love is a forever feeling in constant flow. When we learn to stand within our own truth and understanding; when we learn to truly love who we are, without external things defining who we are such as status, an over-extended ago, then we will not only receive unconditional love and understand its concepts, but we can also give unconditional love and know that we deserve it.

Many have learned to live with abuse in the name of love and therefore have tendencies to believe that this is a norm. Whilst others feel that love may never pass their way, so they allow themselves to put up with substandard behaviour from others and even engage in surface relationships where they can avoid making a commitment.

The Beatles once sang “all we need is love, ” Tina Turner sang “What’s love got to do with it?” Love is the universal force which holds the very fabric of life together and is certainly what makes the world go around.

A journey into the self is the only way we can truly learn to appreciate the beautiful gestures that love gifts us with. A journey into exploring who we are, how to love ‘ME’ or re-learn how to love ‘ME’ again and in the process learning how to draw RESPECT from that journey. Once we learn to love ourselves and realise that we deserve the highest possible best and outcome for our lives in and with the intention of love then we are sure to be presented with the most nourishing and honest friendships and relationships.

I have been doing much reflecting of late in terms of how I interact with my world and the bigger world around me. In terms of my friendships and relationships I realise that for any decision I make for my life and what I expect from others has to come down to how I ultimately feel about myself and what I deserve and on that basis, how I feel about myself will then reflect back at me from my world around me. The basis therefore for all this is based on my belief in the following:

• Honesty and integrity
• Good open communication
• How my children perceive me and how my actions affect them

Good communication is extremely important. It cuts out having to make assumptions and second guessing. It also enriches and enhances the relationship and in effect, taking the time to nurture and honor them is therefore a reflection of our beliefs. I have very few friends and that is by choice. There are a few I speak to every day and others who touch base a few times a month, yet we are ok with this because we know we are busy yet still remain in each others thoughts and we respect each other for this honesty.

In life there are codes of conduct in terms of how we conduct ourselves. Those codes of conduct help align us to how we operate in terms of our values and beliefs.
Also more importantly about Love and Respect is that I always think how I would feel if someone treated my child dis-respectfully or even if my child did the same to someone. Yet also how would they feel if I behaved inappropriately (as at home we have a set of standards ) if I allowed or settled for substandard treatment from anyone, or gave of the same, then how would my children see me as a mother, someone they have looked up to for so long, someone they have depended upon? And then how would that affect their perception of relationships of what is or is not acceptable?

Remember we cannot speak about love or of love and sincerely mean it, if our actions belie otherwise. Love cannot just be spoken about. It is something that is felt, and if it is felt then it is to be experienced and once experienced then an action is formed from that. Remember: All We need is love. Think about it!!

If I Can Do it, So Can You!!!!

As always my message is one of ‘If I can do it, so can you’. A simple statement, but often hard for us to believe and attain because in the process of this simplicity has to be the understanding that with this comes steadfast vision, sacrifice, lots of learning and an incredible amount of hard work and sheer determination. Remember the saying Success is 1% Inspiration and 99% Perspiration. Yet more importantly and what many of us suffer from is lack of belief in self. How bad do you want whatever it is you are after?

Another aspect to this statement is that outcomes are often dependent upon many factors. From how we perceive ourselves, our self-belief, the places we are at in our lives at any given moment in time and how we view the world around us etc. Therefore, I would like to impart to you the following. We are all capable of achieving the most amazing and wonderful things in our lives. Often times we fail to see the woods through the trees. We fail to see and believe in our capacity to be, do and fulfil our life’s purpose. We fail to believe in our capabilities in who we truly are because of messages we have been given along the way, other peoples perceptions of us etc.

Also, we tend to get distracted by what others are doing. We reference our lives, our success and failures by those around us, forgetting that we are on our own individual path. This distraction then leads us into becoming self absorbed in someone else’s achievements and successes, which then reflects back at us highlighting our own perceived insecurities and deficiencies. This then leads to feelings of resentment, frustration, envy and even jealousy.

Yet when we choose to self reference, when we choose and allow ourselves to look at our lives, to discover and embrace the gifts, talents and unique human beings we individually are, then we can achieve the most amazing things and embrace who we are. Once again, this is not always an easy process and it is often hard for us to recognise our uniqueness. The message I would like to leave with you is this. Anything is possible, life is a plethora of learning and experience. It is how you perceive what happens to you and how you react and respond to these experiences. For now I will leave this here. If you want to find out more about how to achieve your personal best, then listen to some of the interviews on Qarma Broadcast, visit youtube and check out Dr Wayne Dyer, The Barefoot Doctor, Louise Hay and many more from the Personal Development arena.

In the meantime, there is a wealth of resources that you can tap into right now to help you on your personal development journey.

Like Nike says "Just Do It"

Much love