Give Unconditionally and you will effect a change in Your life and in Others

Hello Once Again

Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.
-- Maya Angelou

Another month is upon us and we are also half way through the year. Many of those goals we set in January must now seem a long and distant memory and are now sitting in Santa’s Bag of dreams, waiting for 2008 to happen upon us. However, I still believe that no matter what goals we have set if we have achieved some of them – great. If not, we still have time to change or pursue them. I have come to realise that life is a constantly evolving and revolving element and that whether we achieve within certain time frames or not, the beauty is that there is always the possibility to still go change, it’s just about extending that deadline. So if you have not fulfilled any of your New Year’s resolutions as yet, you still have time to go for it.

The past few weeks have seen tremendous steps forward in my life and as I progress towards my own personal goals and achievements, the beauty for me here is that in my quest forward, I am meeting a wonderful wealth of people from all walks of life and I am learning so much in the process.

Along this journey a few things have become quite obvious. One – that there are many people who are living very isolated existences, their lives have become a treadmill which is constantly going around in circles – life never quite allowing these individuals to reach any sort of plateau. Their lives have become a treadmill of early to rise and late to bed, nothing achieved on a personal level because time has been taken up with just trying to survive. J.O.B – just over broker. This lonely existence is leading many to feeling not only isolated as individuals, but isolated from their communities, their families and from humanity. This separation of self from the social causes numerous problems, from feeling depressed, low self-esteem, feeling futile etc to becoming so introverted and contained within the dark dimensions of their existence that even to do the simplest of demands is in itself heartache.

I often go on about getting involved in charity or voluntary work and the importance of giving whether of self, money, time, energy, information etc. Just in my new role as a coach and sometimes a mentor, I am beginning to realise that there are a wealth of individuals in society who are in this isolated state and lack of communication and social interaction is very common place.

For me, I have come to realise the importance of giving even on a molecular basis. A simple act of kindness can have positive resounding effects to simply make someone feel that they are important. Therefore, to give someone a smile, to offer a few words of comfort, to give someone a phone call just to say “hi” may seem small to the giver, but to the receiver, who may not have interacted or conversed with anyone throughout the transition of their day, means so much.

Yet also remember that when you give you must give unconditionally and not just for show because not only will you bless or touch the life of the one you are giving to, but you will also in some way enhance your own life and receive that feeling of satisfaction and contentment that money nor materialistic gain or objects can never attain.

As human beings, we all want to be loved and cherished. We need to feel needed and important and to experience the joy of giving, you must give and unconditionally. So I urge you today to take a look around you and rather than throw judgement/condemn or find fault take the time to really assess those around you. Often times, we wear masks that hide our pain and our inadequacies. Yet I always say look in someone’s eyes the “Windows to the Soul” and you can usually see where a person is at.

Alternatively, join a charitable organisation or voluntary group as the need out there for volunteers is great. I will be trekking the Inca Trail in Peru in May 2008, to raise funds for The Breast Cancer Haven (dedicating this event to my late sister) and to me that will be the most emotionally, physically and spiritually challenging yet rewarding experience of doing something to help make a change.

What will you do today to effect a change in your world?

In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.
-- Flora Edwards

It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.
-- Mother Teresa

The Power of Self Love

Greetings All

The Power of Love
Celine Dion
All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You
Heat
Touch Me In the Morning
Diana Ross

Love songs encapsulate what we all at some point in our lives have felt in our hearts. They capture the experiences of us all in some form or another, whether it be the joy of being in love or the pain of a failed relationship.

Love songs are sung from a depth which many of us may never experience. These are songs experienced by the artists themselves who hope that in the sharing of their experiences, they can capture the imagination, hearts and loyalty of their audiences. The beauty here is that we then engage with these artists, there becomes that need to relate, to be part of their world, to share in what they are feeling and in the messages they are sending out. Therefore, in this prized place of being able to relate, we feel we are part of something bigger.

These are people who rule our world not only through their songs and lyrics, but also through the power of their music. The dynamics of love songs are profound in that they are simply in their simplicity, profoundly dynamic. They chart our journey through life, they hone in on our most intimate experiences and maybe fantasises and longings. Yet so many songs are more about the pain of love, of losing someone, of being betrayed. So therefore, does this lead us to the conclusion that often times, this perfect love, this wonderful sensation that makes our senses go wild causing us to loose touch with the here and now, sending us into the subliminal stratosphere of “lovey dovey land” where all things are just simply wonderful, yet the reality being that this is all surface stuff?

I say surface because often times, we are not true to our partners, friends, relatives because we are not true to ourselves. We experience love on a surface level and cannot have really intimate and wonderfully wholeseome relationships because we do not know who we are on an intimate and even sensual level. Friendships are courted on the periphery of materialistic and surface projections. We smile with each other and communicate with each other, yet on the other side, we hold back, not fully trusting ourselves to explore, to be truly open, to be who we really are thereby denying what we could truly have and receive. We are not being representative of truth.

Taking this all a step further, I now ask you, what is love aside from the dynamics of being in a relationship with all its complexities and varying levels of being in love, falling out of love and just being loved? And to add fire to the debate, are we really taking about love? Or is this juxtaposition of the flutter of heart with sweet talk really just light banter because the word “love” is really just a dressed up noun for sexual and frivolous alliance, which hold no profoundness or depth, and where it has become so trivialised that we actually no longer know or understand its true meaning and worth? And therefore, is this not down to something more significant?


What do I mean by this?

Aside from the relationship type of love, how many of us actually know how to love ourselves in the first instance? We all want to be loved, we all love sharing and caring and being cared and nurtured for. Love is an all encompassing wonderful thing to have and feel. Yet often times, we serve others with this treasured gift, we continue to give and offload this wonderful wealth of something that is truly all encompassing and God given yet how often do we feel neglected, empty and void within our own spirits? This then leads to many of us wearing masks, acting out life on a surface arena. In neglecting ourselves, by not loving ourselves we become shadows of who we really are and this manifests itself in how we then perceive the outside world, and our expectations from life are lowered or even diminished. Our dreams become a fleeting and fading phenomena and we live life as one without purpose and vision.

It’s time for us to truly realise and believe that we all need to love ourselves completely and unconditionally. It is only then that we can truly effect the world with what will then exude from us a wonderfully positive feeling of satisfaction and wholeness that loving ourselves brings.

I am not talking about vanity or the pampering of our egos but the nurturing of our very own selves, our souls and our spirits. Learning to love oneself then gives us a wonderful empowerment that centres us and stabilises us at our very core, enhancing who we are as unique individuals. We then become incredible human beings with wonderful potential not only to excel and achieve on a materialistic and successful level but more importantly on a spiritual and intimate level. We then can enjoy and appreciate life in a totally new and fulfilling realm.

Only then will we be able to make our mark on the world. No journey is and without its challenges. Yet the journey to self-love and appreciation is one that I would encourage many of you to find and follow.

I would also suggest, and I am sure many of you may not welcome this, but for one moment, step outside of your belief, your religion and yourself and look at WHO you really are. Take a good long look in that mirror and face what is reflected back at you. Yes God loves us and many of us live for him and the purpose he has put for us in our lives. Yet, sometimes, we use religion and our belief as cloaks to hide behind, as excuses. We sit in church week in week out, listening to the word, being empowered by the word, yet one we step outside into the “world” we let the arms of fear inhibit us immobilising us, causing us to live a life of complacency and mediocrity and all those negatives such as self-doubt, intolerance, negative talk, negative self-talk come running back to sit on our shoulders like sentries. So for once in your life, if you feel the desire to, try to strip away that mask and look deep into your soul to discover who you really are and what you really want out of life. Do a detox to not only cleanse yourself but also to find out the beautiful person you could be and then start your journey towards being that person and enjoy a totally new lease of life whilst also enjoying and experiencing relationships on a new plateau.


“Learning To Love Yourself

Most of you have probably heard Whitney Houston sing the words "learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all," and so it is. I believe it is what all of us need, yet it's what so few of us truly have. How is it that we don’t love ourselves--and how do we learn to love ourselves? “

Further reading on this can be found on http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/life_topics/article/6713/489/Learning+To+Love+Yourself

For information on spiritual retreats/courses/events – take a look at:
The Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University
http://www.globalretreatcentre.org.uk

Respect and Honour - For Each Other and Community against Community

Dear All

The below quotes follow on from my previous article. Whatever culture, whatever the people, repsect and honour are two of the foundations to buidling up our cultures and preserving integrity.


"You cannot believe in honor until you have achieved it. Better keep yourself clean and bright: you are the window through which you must see the world."
Sir Walter Besant


"Never give in! Never give in! Never, never, never. Never -- in anything great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense." Sir Winston Leonard Spenser Churchill

"There is no calamity which a great nation can invite which equals that which follows a supine submission to wrong and injustice and the consequent loss of national self-respect and honor, beneath which are shielded and defended a people's safety and greatness."
Grover Cleveland

The Big Brother Issue - As a Community we Need to Make a Stand

Greetings and Solicitations Everyone

“A contestant from the Big Brother house was evicted today for using a racist epithet, in the latest scandal to hit the Channel 4 reality show. Emily and Charley were dancing together in the living room when Emily used the word in an apparently light-hearted manner. Rather than react angrily, Charley responded by pointing out that her actions were likely to get her in trouble.
Emily was called into the diary room at 3.30am this morning and told to leave the reality show immediately.” Excerpt taken from http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article1898239.ece

Thoughts to ponder. The above incident certainly caused much debate generally. Chat shows and phone-ins were inundated with incensed callers, a plethora of blogs and other online forums too vented furious debate, the papers of course had their field day - debate, debate, debate. Once again this incident brought back the Shipla Shetty race row which caused uncomfortable and angry ripples worldwide. Yet as I listened, and maybe I have become desensitised, I refused to get angry at Emily or other ignorant individuals who use the word liberally I got angry at us. Why? you may well ask, simple fact. We have allowed ourselves once again to become the puppets at the hands of anyone who has a string to pull and I was struck by how many people felt the same as I and that is to some extent, we as a black community had to take some responsibility for the Big Brother contestant feeling it was ok, to mention the “n” word in what is described above in a “light-hearted” manner. For me, this word should not even be in out vocabulary because of what it represents.

How many times do we hear rap artists blazing their perceived glory of nonsense into our children’s lives and minds using the “n” word? Standing like glorified buffoons in hypothetical salutation of pride (their Oscar of Ignorance) gold dripping from every crevice of their muscle bound bodies, ranting and raving using the “n” word and disrespecting women? Hardly able to smile through a mouth of gold encrusted teeth, they face the world with fierce expressions, the new studious and educated look of knowledge!! Little do they realise that within the body and context of their so called “songs” using only two or three syllables does not make for good music nor any form of intelligence.

These artists, though powerful and maybe even classed as successful, money burning the lining in their pockets, girls on every arm, offering a false sense of purpose and vision to our misguided youth are partly to blame. They laud over our tv screens, controlled and dictated to by the powers that be, rapping using derogatory messages which rolls easily off their tongues, yet causing an uneasiness amongst the more educated and knowledgeable within our community. As if we do not have enough battles of our own by trying to keep our youth on the straight and narrow by offering them more positive viewpoints on life, and trying to educate them about our history and identify role models which they can look up to? If you are keen to notice, these artists never actually refer to themselves as “N…”s but they slyly use it as a term of endearment when talking about and addressing their “bruvas” as if this represents solidarity or a cohesive union of brotherhood.

How often do we hear this word used liberally on the streets by our own black boys (and sometimes by others outside our culture) and more distressing adults. It seems that 2005/6 were the years when the “n” word became “hip, ” and using it somehow elevated individuals into a kind of superior social status. It was often disturbing to see this sort of behaviour with brothers greetings each other with a “whatz up N….” and laughing like monkeys who had been thrown nuts full of dynamite, but not yet fully realising that there was a possibility that this nut would explode in their hands sooner or later. I even noticed my sons used it a few times when greeting their friends, caught up in the delusional sphere of youth culture and “following the crowd” but you know I had to put a stop to that, with some very serious lectures and some strong verbal breakdowns of what the word meant, its connotations and requesting them to go-online and do some research. They got the picture and haven’t gone there since.

So in effect, how can we expect anyone to take us seriously, when we use this word freely amongst ourselves, with liberal frivolity, seemingly ignorant about the true meaning and far-reaching implications of using such a word, which is so derogatory and which stood for so much pain, humiliation. No wonder often times, we are the laughing stock and not taken seriously, because of our own failings. How can we expect other cultures to RESPCECT us when all the above dynamics are in place? I say no more on this score, but leave the below with you, for further ponder and thought.

Regardless to culture, it is about making a stand and not accepting certain things which have serious messages and connotations behind them. When the Shilpa Shetty row broke out, there were fierce demonstrations in her homeland and within the political arena – these people made a stand advocating that this sort of behaviour would not be tolerated and I am sure that many people would be very very careful in the future if they found themselves in this situation because they’d realise there would be consequences.

There have been many comments by individuals online who have stated that “the word was not said in malice and as black people we should get a life and move on” – my point here is this: whether the “N” word is used or any other negative, derogatory words which are used to depict ANY culture which have serious connotations, people should make a stand. There are boundaries in life which are set and there are certain places people just should not go and because we have embraced this pushing of the boundaries, that is why people think it is “light banter and ok” to be using words which should be banned from out vocabularly. Whether they be words against the Asians, Europeans, Africans etc, it is about making a stand and letting other people realise that as a people, as a community there is something called RESPECT and that using certain words are just not on. It is anyone’s right to challenge the mindset of using certain words with frivolity.

For more information

“The history of the word nigger is often traced to the Latin word niger, meaning black. This word became the noun negro (black person) in English, and simply the color black in Spanish and Portuguese. In Early Modern French niger became negre and, later, negress (black woman) was unmistakably a part of lexical history. One can compare to negre the derogatory nigger and earlier English substitutes such as negar, neegar, neger, and niggor that developed into its lexico-semantic true version in English. It is probable that nigger is a phonetic spelling of the white Southern mispronunciation of Negro.

No matter what its origins, by the early 1800s it was firmly established as a degenerative nickname. In the 21st century, it remains a principal symbol of white racism regardless of who is using it. Social scientists refer to words like nigger, kike, spic, and wetback come from three categories: disparaging nicknames (chink, dago, nigger, etc); explicit group devaluations ("Jew him down" or "niggering the land"); and irrelevant ethnic names used as a mild disparagement ("jewbird" for cuckoos having prominent beaks or "Irish confetti" for bricks thrown in a fight).

http://www.aaregistry.com/african_american_history/2420/Nigger_the_word_a_brief_history

I’d therefore like to leave the following with you for further thought, hoping that we do not continue to be the monkey as described below:

TEACHING TALE

“A monkey whilst swinging through the forest one day spied a glass bottle glinting far below. Excited, he made his way down and saw that it contained a huge tasty looking nut. He put his hand through the neck of the bottle and grasped the nut. He pulled and pulled but despite his efforts his hand just would not come out of the bottle. When he tried to run away with the bottle he found it was tied to a tree.

Just then he heard a man approaching through the forest. Despite his increasing fear, the nut captivated him with its promise of rich flavour. He pulled and pulled but to no avail and so the greedy monkey was caught.”