Time for Change - Disrespectful Youth? - Is it time for us adults to turn vigilante?

Dear All

I really felt the need to share the below with you. It is about an incident on the bus today which left me incensed. All I have to say is this, it's time to change strategy. Out youth need to recognise, they cannot get away with things anymore, but as always, it's how do we tackle this.

“The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.”
Benjamin Franklin quotes

I feel I have to share this episode with you purely because I am so incensed by what I have just witnessed. This is not to say that I have not witnessed such disgraceful behaviour before, because it comes in many guises from being verbally abusive, spitting, to physical confrontation, yet all the same disgusting and simply “degrading.”

Today I was heading to an appointment for 1pm. Three stops after getting on the bus, three men got on. One went upstairs the other two stayed downstairs. The driver called after one of the young men, who incidentally, had his mobile phone in his hand with music blaring out, as if anyone really needs to hear his crap. After calling several times, the bus driver then killed the engine. There was a wait period of about 10 minutes until the young man came downstairs, obviously realising that he was in the wrong. He confronted the driver stating “make me get of the bus, then, make me get off the bus.” Obviously in his arrogant and ignorant state, he knew he was in the wrong and as he got off the bus he SPAT at the driver.

Peeps, and I really am not ashamed to say this. If I had a brick at the time, I would not have hesitated to throw it.

Not only was I fuming by now because I had missed my appointment but more so I was fuming because I was incensed at such tactless and disrespectful behaviour. The way I see it is this: yes there are a number of problems facing our youth. Yes, as many say the system is against them. Yes there are facts to prove this. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT – I don’t give a flying rat, regarding where these youth are coming from and what they’ve got against them. I don’t give a monkey’s banana about all the other plausible excuses that we have for them, the fact of the matter is this:

Regardless to where you have come from and who you are or what you have experienced, RESPECT and MANNERS are something which should be innate. People are pushing the boundaries of life everyday. I cannot only just blame the youth because often times, you look on the home front and there are some serious issues going on there. But let’s just level this up. Respect and manners are two key, absolute key components that make up the boundaries in society of which we all bounce off. Without these in place, society deteriorates into the cauldron of bedlum. Someone shouted out to the youth that “he should be in school.” My stance, if I was a bigger and better person, he would’ve found his carcass in a hospital bed.

Let me also make it plain here. I have two boys and I am becoming more and more aware of how difficult it is for our young black men, but the fact of the matter here is they are not making things easier for themselves neither. I am conscious of so many dynamics surrounding having boys and it is absolutely key, that I try my utmost to, and if I must, impose certain restrictions on them so they know there are certain places they cannot go.

Society is falling into the pit of degradation, in fact it is almost there. We need to bring back into our lives, our communities, our families, those BASICS that have kept and held us as a people for so long a time. It is these fundamentals such the below which in their simplicity are the bedrock of society and humanity’s progression into a higher state of being.

v Respect
v Manners
v Discipline
v Courtesy
v Politeness
v Faith

I am tired of the excuses we are giving for the behaviour exhibited by our youth. I am really, really and if I may use the word “pissed off” with such a LACK of consciousness about the above basics.

Yet as always, we go back to the same thing “What is the solution”

If I had my way, every offence committed would mean these individuals would be stripped bare, maybe leaving their underpants on, put in the town centre and made an exhibition and example of. Strip away their arrogance and ignorance with shame. Strip them bare physically, challenge them that this behaviour will not be accepted and there are consequences. Walking the street as if they are vigilantes will no longer be a game, it will require a backlash from parents, conscious adults. The sweet pillow talk thing will be a thing of the past. I think it is time to get radical, because every day I step outside my door, I come home feeling angry and despair.

“Treat others as you want them to treat you because what goes around comes around”

“If you think you can you can. If you think you can’t you are right” Mark Twain

Hello Peeps

“Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. [paraphrased]” Buddha

“We are what we think” Buddha



“Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. [paraphrased]” Buddha

“We are what we think” Buddha

“If you think you can you can. If you think you can’t you are right” Mark Twain

For me, the above conjures up a wealth of thoughts. Often times I like to go off into my own little world and just think, analyse and reflect on life. For me it is important to gain a perspective on life, to gain an insight of how we do things, why we do things and why things happen. Life is a myriad of experiences and our emotions can be catapulted from one dimension to another within the span of even a few seconds and by circumstances that we are never quite ready for. Yet it is also a journey of sort and a learning curve.

Other times, life has a really interesting way of just “being” or “Happening”. The unexpected can happen, people, things, circumstances which we had previously closed a door on, given up on or even forgotten can somehow miraculously materialise and remain a part of our lives forever. So I am now learning to accept that whatever will be will be and rather than trying to force my own agenda on life because I am scared of letting go, I am learning to have confidence and faith in my intuition. I have also found that now that I am a practising life coach, and having attended a range of personal development courses from Emotional Intelligence to NLP and immersed myself in a plethora of personal development material, I am so much more aware of how life really works at its core and also of the plethora of techniques and tools on hand to help make life’s journey that much easier.

For me, life is a constant learning curve. An ever revolving and evolving door. Evolution of time, of being, of person – constantly changing and moving on. The question here then is? Are we always prepared and ready for such change and what are the factors that can hinder us? Life and the universe will always continue to move forward, yet many times, we, as human beings (as human nature goes) often remain stagnant, static and unchanging. Fear, tending to sit in the background, hindering us, it’s small voice constantly challenging our need and desire to become fulfilled, to attain self-actualisation, the progressive medium of all things to where life for us can be just that little bit happier, fulfilled and content.

This therefore brings me back to the above quotes in terms of what we believe and what we think about. Beliefs are assumed truths. They are not facts. They are pieces of information fed to us over the years from birth by various people, from our parents, teachers to friends and of which we have internalised. Yet, sometimes along life’s journey we get to a place where our beliefs no longer work for us and these are times, when we need to challenge them, unpick them and realign them with new positive beliefs.

Our thoughts, beliefs and what we verbalise literally transcend into our lives in a very real way. Many people do not realise the crucial importance of the words and thoughts which they feed into their lives, their environment and their destiny. I believe the following quote certainly says it all: “Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it”.

The above therefore ties in with this saying “We are what we think all day long” (Buddah). Beautiful don’t you think in the context of liberating our minds from the shackles of negative mindsets and warped beliefs. Yet sometimes, we are not even aware of these limited beliefs and mindsets, and how they play a pivotal role in our lives. Yet once the revelation and awareness of these beliefs occurs within our consciousness, and once we realise the importance of working to change those limiting beliefs then the world can certainly be our oyster and as a personal life coach, it certainly is challenging yet interesting working with clients on unravelling limiting belief systems. Yet the beauty also is that once worked upon putting them back together in different yet positive dimensions is truly inspiring.

Over the past few weeks I have been forced to do more soul searching as my spirit has become restless again. This restlessness I now realise keeps surfacing because I am not being true to who I really am and who I really want to be. Also I realise that in a small way I am fearful of the greatness within me and so in small ways, I try to sabotage or procrastinate about things. The Poem called “Fear” by Marianne Williamson which you can view on another page of my blog sums up this fear. It is also because I have discovered that I am limiting myself in a small way which is hindering a major part of me that wants to be free to just “be”. Sometimes, I find I have a tendency to hide behind a mask of rigidity. This restlessness, I believe, is because at my very core, the very seed of who I am, is still being denied that opportunity to surface and rise because of my own battle with fear. Therefore, as a result I believe that I am not operating at my fullest capacity in terms of what I could really achieve. You may well state, “But you are a personal life coach, you should have all the answers.” Well, even a life coach needs a life coach.

After some soul searching I realised that a few of my old beliefs were still playing hide and seek with me, causing fear to try to sabotage the very foundation upon which I was building a very successful business but more importantly, trying to sabotage the incredibly large amount of holistic work I had done on myself. My own personal development was suddenly under threat. Yet the more this realisation dawned on me the more determined I became to continue to change my life by working on these limiting beliefs and one way to help me along this road was for me to get my own personal life coach to help support me on this journey. Being my own personal guinea pig was also a learning curve for me, in terms of honing my skills and bringing about an awareness of this subject, which would be very useful when dealing with clients.

The inner me is very much a risk-taker. A passionate, spontaneous human being. Someone not wanting to be tied to the conventional, nor the status quo. Someone who has a very free spirit and who wants to roam, explore, experiment and enjoy life at its maximum. I know that my spirit will guide me and keep me within the limitless boundaries that life dictates, so I know I will not venture into anything that could be catastrophic. Yet I must change some of my beliefs in order to move forward. I must start to unpick them one by one and replace them with more positives.

So once again I have decided to further this journey of self-discovery, which I personally find is a wonderful experience. It is a must and one that I know will reap even better benefits. Having a life coach along the way is a tremendous bonus not only for my own personal growth but for the experience of being on the other side of the table. Also I have just become a Personal Life Coach and to me, my own personal journey has enriched what I can personally give back to my clients.

I share the above with you all, because of this incredibly wonderful, interesting yet sometimes challenging journey called life – the will to help and empower others is certainly a goal worth reaching for and something about which I am totally passionate about. I have coached six people now and the feeling of satisfaction is empowering. To be in a position to watch people’s lives transform. To be part of their journey. To be in a position where confusion, uncertainty and despair is turned into a gleaming smile and where hope finally surfaces makes my journey as a new life coach all the more exciting, poignant and important.

And on that note, I embrace this very intrepid yet satisfactory journey as I join the army of Personal Life Coaches who are changing and transforming lives and I believe this all ties in quite nicely with my own personal strap line:

Aspire to Inspire – Dare to Dream

Valuing Friendships and Enjoying Life TODAY - Life is Too Short

Hello Everyone

“Some people, no matter how old they get,
Never lose their beauty --
They merely move it from their faces
Into their hearts.”
~Martin Buxbaum

The end of another month and we are already half way through the year. Yet, what an amazing year it has been so far, challenging, sometimes tiring yet still amazing. Despite all the negative, painful news we hear in the media, life still goes on for us all and as I personally journey along this path called life, I am ceasing to be amazed by what life throws at me.

Yet, one thing that I have come to realise and which I am beginning to accept as being one of the most important elements of life is the harsh and imminent realisation that we are only here on this earth for a very short time, and that it is time to really begin living our lives as if every moment is our last.

I know I have harped on about this in one of my earlier blogs, but so many crazy things have happened this year alone that I have been left pondering time and time and time again about life in its fullest. The question I have, not only begs to seek out Why are we here? But How Can we Enjoy Our lives to the fullest?

I certainly do not want to be one of those people crying at someone’s graveside having regrets about what I did or did not say, how I should or should not have acted towards them. I have always done this, but I am doing it even more now, especially since my sister died in November 2006 and more recently another friend of breast cancer (April 2007) and that is to tell people how I feel:

v Telling close friends and family members how I feel about them.
v Appreciating and letting them know that I am grateful for them being in my life.
v Appreciating and letting them know how they help to fulfil my life and thanking them for their friendship.
v Making time to meet with them in order to enjoy being with them.
v Even telling them how wonderful they look.

I hug my children every morning, before they leave the house. I have no qualms about complimenting someone I see in the street who looks stunning or who simply has a lovely smile. I have no qualms about telling someone I love them, because you know what, life sometime cheats on us, and have no guarantees about the next second nor minute.

Too many times, we allow ourselves to become trapped in the vortex of self, sometimes shutting ourselves away in eager pursuit of something greater, whatever that may be. Yet I urge you to step away from that journey for a moment, and look around you. Time and life are flying by. People change. Circumstances change. Change is an ever evolving tool of time.

Many people are not privileged to have people around them to love or support them. Many people are in places right now where you would never want to be such as those suffering from an illness or in the midst of a war, a famine, living in fear, living on the poverty line, watching someone die.

There is a saying that “You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” This statement is so true, because for many of us, one day we will look up and surface from where we are and realise that we have lost out on so much and there is no getting that treasure back.

Time does not stand still, it never will for us. We just have to roll with it as much as possible and enjoy the rollercoaster on the way up and on the way down.

So on that note, I have learned to love well, to love unconditionally and to open up my spirit, my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations to the universe and to God. I know He will guide the most wonderful things into my life. Yet, I must be open to receiving that goodness and I must appreciate and be grateful for all that I have and what is to come whilst enjoying what I have for the moment, and making sure I value those that I love, friendships I have and the opportunities that are coming my way.

“Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows.”
John Milton

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
~Carl Bard