How to Deal with your Emotions - The Mother and Daughter Relationship

Dear Unique Everyone

Wishing you a Happy, Hippy Summer? Isn’t the weather just gorgeous, then again isn’t the weather wonderful all the time. It just depends upon how we experience it all!! – There I go again I can hear some of you say.

I have had so many people contact me to say when will I be sending out my newsletters on a more regular basis. Apologies, but here I am!!

Many of you may know that I lost my younger sister to breast cancer 4 years ago. That in itself was an incredibly painful journey to watch and to walk alongside of. It was never a place I would want to venture myself. Yet recently, my mother was diagnosed with cancer in her large and small bowel which were both removed on Thursday last week.

Up until now, I have felt greatly challenged by my relationship with my mother. I have been working on me around this for the best part of three years. Up until two years ago, I was not able to sit in a room with my mother on long occasions as my inner child would simply freeze and withdraw and I’d be bound by fear. If my mother looked at me, I was unable to look her fully in the eye as I still felt and saw through my eyes the condemnation and criticism that I had grown up with. Then two years ago, when she came to visit me, I realised I did not want to live my life fearing her anymore and had to do something about how I was dealing with this.

I went for some healing around this and I had to explore many aspects of our relationship, lay my soul bare, and then put me back together - OUCH. Yet what helped to release me and start me on my journey was learning to accept who I was at that moment in time without judgement, without criticism, simply Esther for who she was. My next step then was to accept that my mother did the best that she did with the knowledge that she had at the time when I was a child and I had to acknowledge that. I also had to acknowledge that she too was a product of her childhood – one where she lost both her parents very early in life and where she knew only the burden of working. Coming to this country also had its own tremendous challenges and life became one of survival. My next step was to learn to love me more and then, hopefully, my mother.

I am still at a place where I am mindful and working through this relationship. I do not blame my mother for how she was, yet I reacted to how I felt she was towards me. What has helped me to build a relationship with my mother is Esther working from a place of love. (Not always easy as on occasion I still walk out the room because at that moment in time, I am not ready nor in a place to handle how I feel.) However, having the above understanding means I can respectfully and non-judgementally sit with her, speak with her and be there in whatever supportive capacity I can be, but also that I no longer choose to enrol into her dramas, if she so choose to play them out and I am mindful of my own dramas as well.

Yet isn’t life simply a paradoxical play on the stage of life. On Thursday when my sister and I went to visit her and attended the ward she was supposed to be on, her bed was not there. At once I felt slight panic whelm up within me. We then went to the nurses station to find out what had happened as the day prior to this, her operation had been at 12pm and by 8pm there was still no sign of her. Waiting for the nurse to find out where my mother was, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of “not again” as memories of my late sister started to come through. This also got me thinking – do we really have to wait to come to a place of realising what is important or to deal with ‘stuff’ when someone dies? Because if this is what it was going to take for me to shape up then I had more serious contemplating to do. Yet again, I challenged myself with this line of thought. I too was mindful that I was doing my best in terms of my emotions at this moment in time, and that being truthful and honest with myself may not mean I would be overtly huggy and blowing kisses at my mother – I had to keep things real. Yet I could kiss and greet my mother on the cheek and help to nurture her back to health – and for me that is operating from a place of love.

A beautiful quote by Louise Hay, Author says “Love is everywhere, I am loving and lovable.” The more I repeat this quote is the more I have been able to feel acceptance for what I need to do. This quote has served to resonate so far into me that it brings a sense of peace and calm and knowing that love really is the key.

I still have a journey to go. We may not always like what we are faced with, which is often ourselves, yet when we learn to become non-judgemental about ourselves or situation and just to accept it for what it is, then it is easier to face those so called ‘demons’ in order for us to learn whatever lessons we need to learn, so that we can then embrace life more fully and abundantly.

My lesson here I feel is one of many and that is of compassion, of continuing the work on being non-judgemental and always trying to be present from that place of love.

I have been working with a few clients whose lives have been paralysed by words, deeds and actions, criticisms, put downs by their parents and other people. One client has internalised her experienced so profoundly that her pain is so deep that she even fears to hug her own children for fear she contaminates them. When she looked at me last week with tears in her eyes to say “Esther, I just want to release this stuff so that I can be me, I have never been me” – This is why I do the work I do, why Qarma Broadcast will be one of the many mediums through which I can reach out to share knowledge and to empower peoples lives, along with all those wonderful people who share their stories and knowledge with you over the airwaves.

“If we were more aware of our own shadow, we would not be afraid to look in the mirror”

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

Esther Austin

I want to fly

I want to fly
Surfing the wings of the clouds
Orbiting between
the dimensions of time and space
Within the spaces
Touching my soul against the
Moon and stars
Releasing fear
Into the bosom of eternity
And grasping life
Within the present moment
embracing, cuddling into this here space
Whilst also looking, expectantly out
At the maelstrom of opportunities
That rise to greet me
In abundance

E Austin
December 2010

Being in a Good Space Emotionally

Dear Everyone

Well how is everyone? Isn’t it getting cosy as the winter months draw in. It’s time to hibernate a little, draw back and away from and spend more time with you, in the cosiness of your space. What a great feeling this is, to be able to spend time with you – that is if you remember who you are. Why do I say this? Because often times in the busyness of life, we forget who we are, we forget to nurture ourselves, we forget to give time to ourselves. Because until we nurture and love ourselves first, we cannot nurture nor love others.

I am also in a good space emotionally. I have loved someone for a very long time, but that has very much been a static love, built on a good friendship and attraction but nothing more at this moment in time. It’s all about timing this life.

So when I was presented with someone who caught my fancy so to speak, not long ago, offering to give me a hug and to hold me, I blanched at the idea. When it comes to intimate relationships, I have always kept my boundaries very clear and kept men out. Yet I didn’t realise that I was also keeping myself out, and keeping my heart shut down. My heart had been shut down for quite a while actually. I was stunned by this as trying to open up was painful and disconcerting. When I was offered a hug, the way I reacted, showed me how much I had never really experienced love in such a genuine, honest , open way. Yet this was now happening because of the work I have and continue to do on myself and to a change in my beliefs about me and my expectations for my life. My issues were to do with trust and feeling safe. Boy, here we go again with another aspect of me to heal and deal with I thought!

Now that I have decided to allow myself to open up, it has been quite a surreal journey. I got tired of being on my own, I got tired, very tired of doing this journey by myself, yet I was not open to just having anyone walk into my life. I had to learn to ask God and the universe to provide me with a relationship which honoured my highest self, and to realise that I was deserving of only the best in my life. I had no specific details or check list of anyone, other than they honoured my highest self and vice versa.

The beauty of this journey is that who I am now has been informed by what I have experienced. On an emotional level, it's good to almost be back to self-loving me which in turn means I can love someone else, whoever that person is. Actually I don’t think I was never on this level with anyone ever in my life – so I should say that it’s good to be able to look forward to exploring and experiencing something truly wonderful. More importantly is the ability to honestly and openly communicate and to be open to unconditional love first of the self, then for another.

I believe that everything that happens in life is for a reason and a season. At this moment in time this is my season and I am taking each day as it comes. For me any experience now is not about how long it lasts, but more so the quality of the time spent with and the joy and love that experienced. There is a saying it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before. This current journey has been short but sweet. It took for one person to hug me and spend time with me to enable the love to flow into me one that I have not experienced for a very long time. It simply was a very short-lived journey but so valuable in terms of who I am now.

I came across this phrase on youtube: 'How can you manifest the heart's desire? The solution is simply to just act'

Many blessings and much love

It is Better to Have Loved and Lost than Not to have Loved at All

Hello Everyone.

Music is a powerful medium. Words are powerful energies which flow into our world.

I would like you to listen to some of the words in this song by Luther Van Dross. They are deep and reflect how when we love unconditionally another, and make that choice to do so, then even for the briefest of moments, we can choose to enjoy a love that sits within our heart and soul.

When we get to a place where we no longer can dream, believe in love or have a passion for life and exist on an emptyness which cannot even pervade our reality and where we live off charades and pretences and being what we are not - then what is this journey all about?

Is not this journey about finding our soul purpose and finding that expression of joy in our hearts? Any walk is about finding true peace and love of self and life itself. And when we operate on emptyness whatever we deliver reflects how we feel inside.



Luther Van Dross - I'd Rather Be

There is a line in this songs which says:

'I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I'd rather be beside you in a storm than safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together than to have it easy apart. I'd rather have the one that holds my heart"


Everything is for a reason and season. Have a listen. Music is powerful. Words are powerful. Belief in what we are is powerful. Yet Beliefs are not always the truth.

Much love to you all and just have a think about what you truly want in your life. Often times wee make choices which we feel do not serve our higher purpose, yet for every choice made, the experience of it influences who we then become.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wlDKqCVhLE


Our greatest expression of self is love which you cannot only speak about and write about becauseit is something that you feel.

Much love and many blessings

LEARNING TO TRUST IN THE UNIVERSE, LETTING GO AND LET GOD

It’s been a while, since I penned my thoughts. There has been a lot of shifting and changing going on over the past few months in my life on quite a large scale. Such has been the shift that The Beacon Healing Space which I was due to launch – I had to cancel at the last minute. A matter of standing in my integrity and as a matter of principle.

Sometimes on this journey, we are presented with experiences and it is dependent upon how we view those experiences, which then informs how we approach life.
Sometimes these experiences come at us fast and furious. As soon as one hurdle has been tackled another immediately presents itself to us. In the frustration of such presentations, we can often become so caught up in the jumping that we fail to stand back before the leap, to view the panoramic view of the situation around us, to exhale and to go in gently and objectively rather than with haste and fear. And that is what has been happening to me.

I must admit to being a workaholic. I create ideas quickly and easily and then va va vroom after them. Yet, I say with tail between legs, this has not proved productive, having my hands in too many pots. This is something which I fall into on occasion which meant I had to go back to the drawing board to really re-brand and specifically define what my business offered, to re-discover my USP and to be specific where I put my energy into.

Therefore as I now look back over the past two months more so, they have been incredibly frustrating for me and as a result I have been yo-yoing emotionally. Bat and ball, hell no, boomerang it felt like, back at me all the time. The past two weeks therefore have proved to be a time of enormous shifts where the universe forced me to stop, take stock, properly this time Esther (so says she again tail further between legs....peeps this is an admission I don’t really want to make) and to get some rest. I slept so much last week and the week before you’d think I hadn’t slept the whole year. Yet I also realise part of the tiredness was because I was growing spiritually which often means I retreat and sleep a lot.

I have been reading the most amazing books one ‘Conversations with God’ by Neale Donald Walsch now ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tollie. So much incredible learning in those books. So much so that I chose to take away and evaluate about me. One thing that comes to mind was the mention of the two spectrums which many of us operate from. Fear or Love. Dependent therefore on which end of the spectrum we operate from, this drives our experience of life and how we experience the experience. I have also been learning more about trusting and totally letting GO. Believe me at times I was still holding on to the letting go. Then my eldest son said something this week which made me take a step back. Remember out of the mouth of Babes....... He said believing that you can get what you ask for was like posting a letter. If you post the letter, you have to let it go, in order for it to drop into the letter box in order for it to arrive at its destination. But if you put your hand in the letterbox and still hold onto the letter, you have not posted it and it cannot arrive.

Therefore, when we learn to trust in God/The Universe (whatever you call your higher source) then we know we are being divinely guided. Yet when we slip off that pathway with our own agenda, that is when pain and doubt and fear creeps in. Hard dough.

The journey of being an entrepreneur is fraught with many ‘challenges’ and note I place that word in parenthesis because it is how we perceive what we are going through, which therefore informs how we deal with situations. Yet my learning this year more so than ever has been amazing. The tests I have been given I know have been to inform who I am learning to ‘be’, to inform how I operate in this world and to inform and educate me for the work I am doing and will continue to do.
But basically in a nutshell I had to learn to ‘LET GO AND LET GOD’ do his thing and you know what, what a relief. I can see the woods through the trees, there is a fresh sense of purpose and yes, tail still between the legs, but I had a lot of adjustments to make about how I was thinking and even to look at my belief structure.

I often reflect and look at whatever I do and how I personally operate. I always go back to what Mahatma Ghandi once said “Be the change you want to see in the world.” When we can reflect upon who we are and our actions and then watch how they play out on the external of us, we can truly learn many valuable lessons which ultimately empower who we are.

I am feeling very different now. After much reflecting I realise I needed to experience all that I did so that I could be fully present to open myself up to trusting what is already in my space. This has also taught me to be ever present with the attitude of gratitude, to say thank you even when I feel that the tide has turned, leaving me on the shore, tired, washed out and wondering - where to next? Ah haaaaaaa

Sending you all much love always

LIFE IS A KALIEDOSCOPE - MEDITATIVE VIDEO WITH POETRY

This poem speaks about life in all its complexity and glory.

Author and poet, Esther Austin beautifully narrates this poem

How I tripped into a deluge of Doubt - Week ending Friday 18th June 2010

This week has taken me on a roller coaster of a journey with ‘doubt’ my 6 legged friend. Doubt being the main hub with fear, frustration, loneliness and its other For three or four days this week I struggled. I got up one morning and self doubt assailed me like a tomb, I actually felt my energy levels take a dive. For once in a very very long time, I felt as if I wasn’t doing enough, as if business was static and with those feelings I found myself becoming more and more frustrated.

I felt that I should be doing more and began to question what was I doing wrong. All of a sudden I felt like a failure. There was also something very important playing on my mind. The inability to express myself and feelings in terms of a particular situation, as I am a person who likes to express, and that frustration coupled with this sudden onset of insecurity and not feeling good enough almost drove me to tears yesterday.

The urge to speak to someone was so strong, to express how I felt, to talk the pain out of my heart, to just get out what had built up inside, to speak out my pain because I had begun to feel pain and I was aching inside. Aching for an intimacy to be had in my life, aching from the frustration of working so hard and ‘feeling’ I was still not doing enough.

These feelings had been building up since Saturday. There is a saying that no man is an island and certainly for me, someone who spends an incredible amount of time on her own, which I enjoy by the way, made me also realise that I needed to stick my head up from my computer and papers and seek the comfort and company of a good friend or two, which was such a blessing.

As I poured out my heart to this special lady, she suddenly said (as she is highly intuitive and psychic) you need a break, you are working so hard, there is one piece to the puzzle that is keeping you in this position and that is you need to promote yourself more widely, so that you can generate more clients, then you can get a break. You are carrying a lot. I must admit I am a workaholic and therefore, I have told those close to me to shake me out of my spot once a week to do something, to get me out and about. Yet this week was such a learning curve for me. The universe allowed me to become vulnerable. I didn’t particularly like the feeling, but I had to be taken there to a place where I got so frustrated that I wanted to cry and even then, I couldn’t because I was trying to hold onto sanity and therefore at that moment by shedding tears – I would’ve crumpled.

Last night, I spent a while speaking with another dear friend. He listened and I shared, then he shared and we came away both feeling better and even healed from being able to release. I just needed to talk things through at a very deep level. A level of consciousness that went deep, as I needed to go there. I looked at how I was handling me. I looked at how I was feeling about me and this situation. I looked at me from every angle possible and just having the space to talk and to release and to get it out was so powerful and in the space of analysing, I also knew I was being too hard on myself, constantly pushing the bar to the next level and not totally being present to embrace life as it was presented to me at that moment in time.

Today I do not ache as much as I have been over the past 3-4 days, because what I had to learn to do yesterday was to accept a few situations as they were, to pull back from having any expectation whatsoever and to know that everything was in divine order and to allow the universe and God to work in their mysterious and magical way. I am calmer and learning to fall back into me again and to trust. I have also learned to just accept my feelings and to know it is ok to feel what I feel. Isn’t that the beauty of love, to know it is ok to love.

Once in a while I slip off my train which hurtles through life. I have learned especially this year to enjoy the scenery as I go along by slowing it down a little. I often take myself off for bike rides and find the most remote of places where I can just sit in open space and dream or meditate. Or I head off for long walks along river banks and parks and other outdoors spaces. I love the outdoors as it nurtures and replenishes and revitalises me.

Today, this message is simply to say that NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. I had to reach out to a few people yesterday. Those close to me and whom I trust. But most of all I had to learn to fall back into the arms of God and the universal flow of energy. I was at the end of my tether, I was tired, I was aching. I needed to share and to feel as if I was being heard. For once, I wanted to be the one someone listened to.
So once again remember, NO MAN IS AN ISLAND.

Esther

Unconditional Love and Respect

(These get it - Unconditional Love - ahhhhh)

Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs. It is a concept comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unconditional_love



This word has become another one of those clichéd and over-used words amongst many other words which in their simplicity have very profound meanings . Words which not only empower, carry impact and emotion, but which define a richness of humanity’s core essence, a platform upon which standards and values are created and built on. Yet many of these words have been reduced to a drizzle of their former meanings.
Love, more so unconditional love is a gift which many of us never experience in life, because society dictates that conditions are placed on this feeling. A feeling which embodies healthy communication, honesty, integrity, friendship, unity, togetherness yet individuality. How we experience receiving and giving love is usually dependent upon various factors i.e our parents, upbringing, life experiences, our perception of life who we think we are etc, etc.

Therefore, many people lower their standards in order to accommodate sub-standard levels of love which can often be dictated by control, manipulation and conditions, disempowering our true authentic selves, where we loose our sense of identity. Yet, to be fair, because we all seek to be loved individuals will put up with even a little bit of love.

Unconditional love has nothing to do with power, nor manipulation. It is not about switching your emotions on when you feel like it and then turning them off. Unconditional love is a forever feeling in constant flow. When we learn to stand within our own truth and understanding; when we learn to truly love who we are, without external things defining who we are such as status, an over-extended ago, then we will not only receive unconditional love and understand its concepts, but we can also give unconditional love and know that we deserve it.

Many have learned to live with abuse in the name of love and therefore have tendencies to believe that this is a norm. Whilst others feel that love may never pass their way, so they allow themselves to put up with substandard behaviour from others and even engage in surface relationships where they can avoid making a commitment.

The Beatles once sang “all we need is love, ” Tina Turner sang “What’s love got to do with it?” Love is the universal force which holds the very fabric of life together and is certainly what makes the world go around.

A journey into the self is the only way we can truly learn to appreciate the beautiful gestures that love gifts us with. A journey into exploring who we are, how to love ‘ME’ or re-learn how to love ‘ME’ again and in the process learning how to draw RESPECT from that journey. Once we learn to love ourselves and realise that we deserve the highest possible best and outcome for our lives in and with the intention of love then we are sure to be presented with the most nourishing and honest friendships and relationships.

I have been doing much reflecting of late in terms of how I interact with my world and the bigger world around me. In terms of my friendships and relationships I realise that for any decision I make for my life and what I expect from others has to come down to how I ultimately feel about myself and what I deserve and on that basis, how I feel about myself will then reflect back at me from my world around me. The basis therefore for all this is based on my belief in the following:

• Honesty and integrity
• Good open communication
• How my children perceive me and how my actions affect them

Good communication is extremely important. It cuts out having to make assumptions and second guessing. It also enriches and enhances the relationship and in effect, taking the time to nurture and honor them is therefore a reflection of our beliefs. I have very few friends and that is by choice. There are a few I speak to every day and others who touch base a few times a month, yet we are ok with this because we know we are busy yet still remain in each others thoughts and we respect each other for this honesty.

In life there are codes of conduct in terms of how we conduct ourselves. Those codes of conduct help align us to how we operate in terms of our values and beliefs.
Also more importantly about Love and Respect is that I always think how I would feel if someone treated my child dis-respectfully or even if my child did the same to someone. Yet also how would they feel if I behaved inappropriately (as at home we have a set of standards ) if I allowed or settled for substandard treatment from anyone, or gave of the same, then how would my children see me as a mother, someone they have looked up to for so long, someone they have depended upon? And then how would that affect their perception of relationships of what is or is not acceptable?

Remember we cannot speak about love or of love and sincerely mean it, if our actions belie otherwise. Love cannot just be spoken about. It is something that is felt, and if it is felt then it is to be experienced and once experienced then an action is formed from that. Remember: All We need is love. Think about it!!

If I Can Do it, So Can You!!!!

As always my message is one of ‘If I can do it, so can you’. A simple statement, but often hard for us to believe and attain because in the process of this simplicity has to be the understanding that with this comes steadfast vision, sacrifice, lots of learning and an incredible amount of hard work and sheer determination. Remember the saying Success is 1% Inspiration and 99% Perspiration. Yet more importantly and what many of us suffer from is lack of belief in self. How bad do you want whatever it is you are after?

Another aspect to this statement is that outcomes are often dependent upon many factors. From how we perceive ourselves, our self-belief, the places we are at in our lives at any given moment in time and how we view the world around us etc. Therefore, I would like to impart to you the following. We are all capable of achieving the most amazing and wonderful things in our lives. Often times we fail to see the woods through the trees. We fail to see and believe in our capacity to be, do and fulfil our life’s purpose. We fail to believe in our capabilities in who we truly are because of messages we have been given along the way, other peoples perceptions of us etc.

Also, we tend to get distracted by what others are doing. We reference our lives, our success and failures by those around us, forgetting that we are on our own individual path. This distraction then leads us into becoming self absorbed in someone else’s achievements and successes, which then reflects back at us highlighting our own perceived insecurities and deficiencies. This then leads to feelings of resentment, frustration, envy and even jealousy.

Yet when we choose to self reference, when we choose and allow ourselves to look at our lives, to discover and embrace the gifts, talents and unique human beings we individually are, then we can achieve the most amazing things and embrace who we are. Once again, this is not always an easy process and it is often hard for us to recognise our uniqueness. The message I would like to leave with you is this. Anything is possible, life is a plethora of learning and experience. It is how you perceive what happens to you and how you react and respond to these experiences. For now I will leave this here. If you want to find out more about how to achieve your personal best, then listen to some of the interviews on Qarma Broadcast, visit youtube and check out Dr Wayne Dyer, The Barefoot Doctor, Louise Hay and many more from the Personal Development arena.

In the meantime, there is a wealth of resources that you can tap into right now to help you on your personal development journey.

Like Nike says "Just Do It"

Much love

POETRY ON THE MOVE

Feel the crisp breeze of Spring’s floaty sensations
tickle your fancy, caressing winter’s blues away
view through eyes that dance with awakening
Renewal, rejuvenation, a newness of life


Feel the effortless flow and energy of new beginnings
Meander its way through your cluttered mind
releasing, detoxing, making way for you to rise
Like the golden orb of sun


And so we rise like a phoenix from the ashes
to greet this new phase, a new gift in our lives
and let us embrace Spring’s offering of newness
And stride forth to meet its glorious handshake


Esther Austin – All Rights Reserved 7th April 2010

And if I Stand

‘And if I stand still along this road for one brief moment
to reflect and look at the path just trod
From what angle will I view my life
which therefore determines how I proceed forward?

Will I see my life’s challenges staring up at me
with angry beacons of failure, regret and pain?
With my finger always pointing, accusing, outward, away from ME?
A fallen victim of my innermost fears and illusions?

Or will I see them sitting silently amongst the thorns
and in between the hedges, no longer holding me captive
no longer cradled in their power
because I have saluted and honored the space they played on my journey
because I have allowed myself to learn the lessons presented to me
for without them I could not stand on this mountaintop
With back straight against the biting wind
For without them, I would not be able to reflect back upon
For without them I could not have discovered me

Esther Austin
March 2010e

The Road to My Destiny

Climbing the road towards my destiny
I glimpse the path from whence I just trod
a panoramic view of lessons learned
lay sprawled in captive state below
And seeing the distance between the land and me
I continue towards the mountaintop
Though steep and treacherous it appears to be
I choose to continue unabated.

EAustin 21 February 2010

Riding the Waves of Life and its GREAT

It has been a while, has it not since I have put pen to paper on this page. Often times over the past few months, much has come to me. Yet I have denied myself the opportunity to translate from mind to paper my thoughts as I have allowed other daily pressures to overwhelm me, thereby silencing the flow of words into the abyss of stagnation.

Yet many months down the line, here I am riding the waves of life in the boat of contentedness feeling a sense of anticipation, expectation at what I know will manifest in my life this year.

My journey has been incredible to say the least and the beauty of this journey is that I am always learning, constantly trying to understand myself during this process. My mission down here is to serve humanity and I am enjoying this role so much. Yet in order to serve well, I have had to learn to love well, to open my heart to compassion’s lure even more fully and to embrace everything that I experience from that place of love. It’s not always been easy emotionally for me to let go of emotions which were negative and at times a struggle yet this lesson serves me well.

How ,you might wonder have I got to such a place? It has certainly not been an easy journey and there have been times when I have been left wondering, will I do this whole journey on my own? The saying that people come into our lives for a reason and a season has certainly served me many lessons. The main lesson for me was in the letting go of certain people within my circle, for whatever reason, knowing it was for the best and that I should learn to do this in love. Not in anger nor resentment (and believe me there were times when because of my own expectations, I wanted to do get angry - but the new me would not let me) – yet the learning for me was that it was ok to let them go and more importantly it was time to let them go because certain friendships no longer served a purpose.

Sometimes some were severed in not-so-comfortable nor amicable ways and I had to learn to deal with all this from a place of love. I even had to question on occasion, the way I handled the separation in terms of whether I had done this from a place of judgment. What I now find about myself is that it becomes easier to look in my mirror or truth and deal with my faults, because I have learned to love myself and love both sides of me. Therefore when I need to deal with anything which I would otherwise sweep under the carpet, I can face them boldly.

So why I am still riding the waves? Because the beauty of this spiritual walk is learning to walk my talk. Constantly trying to be mindful of who I am and what I am. Of my thoughts, words, deeds and action. The more I understand myself, is the more that I can experience life in its abundance and in a more peaceful and calm way. Therefore the truer I am to me means I am more able to serve humanity from a place of honesty, integrity, truth and wholesomeness.

Sounds like spiritual waffle? Well it’s not because like Mahatma Ghandi once said ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ and the more we focus on the self, on ‘US’ and take our focus off others and excuses is the more that our lives can shift and transform into a more comfortable space and that place is a wonderful place of awakening.

Riding the waves is for me, at this moment in time, is the manifestation of everything my soul has ever desired from the universe. Riding the waves is that after years and years of trials and challenges, of building my business, which I know were put into place to test and strengthen me, it seems (fingers crossed) that I have at this moment in time, passed the test and now it is time for me to reap my abundance and for this I am eternally grateful.

Remember: Success if 1% Inspiration and 99% Perspiration

Yet for me the beauty of riding the waves is in just BEING me. It is in doing the work I do, following my dreams and realizing them and loving every moment of this creative and fulfilling process. Through serving others, empowering and transforming lives, yet this is only because I have allowed myself to be the channel for this vocation 100% and have accepted the role I have to play.

So yes, I am back here with you all after a few months, surfing and riding the most beautiful of waves and waiting for them to crash to shore where I will leap off to dart into another of life’s wonderful adventures creating more magic in my life and other peoples lives and its GREAT.

So my motto to you is: ‘If I can do it, So Can You’

In order to Receive Love you have to be Love first - It's all about working on Yourself

Hello Folks

It certainly has been a while. Much has happened and is always happening. A constant shift in experiences and awareness. A constant moving forward of consciousness about life, about who I am, about how I operate and as always I say it is a beautiful journey and I love it. The learning never stops and every day I am understanding more things about me, and also finding out more about the amazing gifts God has given me. One very special gift, for me it is a gift, is that of being honest with myself and in the space, I am able to instantly deal with something if it does not feel right, or if results are not what they should be. Too many of us live life in the vacuum of a lie. Things happening around us and to us, and yet the denial continues, time and time again. Always pointing the finger at another. Yes, kinda painful, but it’s one of the many universal truths.

Remember: If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Wayne Dyer

In my last newsletter, I wrote the following and it was amazing the responses I received:

‘So here we are two weeks later after my last newsletter and things just keep getting better and better. I will be updating my inspirational blog, Emotions in Transit shortly to share with you something quite personal. Basically about my journey of love. Love of self? You may well ask? Well yes but also how I identified how I have shut men out of my life for a long time now, because of my fear of rejection, a fear which was embedded so deeply, not even I could heal it. Yet by recognizing what I was doing and the act itself of almost self-sabotage, I’m now in a wonderful place to fully open up to my divine partner, who is already on the horizon and he is everything this gal could ever desire. Yet I had to go on a personal journey of further self-discovery, praying and meditating and asking the universe to send people my way to help me heal me more what I could not touch. The first point in really moving forward many years ago was to stop pointing the finger outwards and to look at what was going on with me. The second was to deal with stuff from my childhood…heavy stuff..not really – could’ve been, but it was more of a relief for me.’

It was interesting to see the responses I received from many people, about that brief piece I wrote and I thank all of you for your messages. It was also interesting how many people still didn’t quite get it. People sent emails congratulating me on my new relationship and saying they were glad that I had found happiness. But I wanted to scream ‘don’t you get it?’

What I wrote above was very much about me identifying what I needed to do in order to manifest the best relationship for me. I have already met this person in my dreams and vision. Remember everything we experience starts first in the mind, through thought. We are the sum of our thoughts – Napoleon Hill. What I wrote about was about me doing the work on me, dealing with any baggage, any thoughts or habits that were not conducive to attracting the right person for and to me. For me it is about getting n touch with my soul, that place of unconditional love, that place of peace. This can only be attained through prayer and meditation and focusing on the self.

You see, we live in such a shallow and materialistic society where being in a state of contentedness and happiness is always dependent upon external things validating and defining who we are. Whether that be through drink, food, the type of shop we buy our food or clothes from, the designer label on our clothes, the car we drive the area we live in, the people we associate with – otherwise it seems, we are of no use in society, we have no standing!! If someone is happy it is usually attributed to something else outside of them, yet the true reality is that true contentedness and happiness comes from within, from the experience we engage and embrace in with our soul, and then everything else around us is a bonus.

Yes at times I do have my highs and lows, especially of late, (as I am a bit of a workaholic and it would be so nice to be swept off my feet on occasion, but I am not prepared to compromise to settle for any less than what I deserve so the work has to be done on me) because sometimes this journey is lonely. But on the whole, I love my life and have learned to be grateful for everything and everyone who has ever graced my life, because there is and has been learning in every situation, circumstance and relationship.

When I conduct talks, I like to use this analogy of the Tsunami and what happened a few years ago. If everything were to be swept away from us, could we still stand on our own two feet, proud, tall and dignified and still say “I am……..” The reality is that not many people could . Think about this …who would you be without your brand new sports car? Who would you be if you were not wearing Gucci? Who would you be without your make-up? Who would you be if you did not associate with professionals and academics? Who would you be if you were the man underneath a cardboard box, every night on the pavement with nothing but a penny to his name?
So my initial piece in the newsletter was merely to say that I have been and am always working on Me. Pointing the finger away from me, using should’ve, would’ve and could’ve is no longer acceptable.

I have and had to take personal responsibility for me so that when this person does enter my life it will be same energy attracting like and because I know I deserve the best possible person ever I have to truly honor and respect who I am and know that this will be received. In the same vein for whoever it is who will grace my path, that mutual respect will be reciprocated and given. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. We are a reflection of our relationships, so therefore do we not deserve the best?

I leave you with much love and light and encourage you to begin or continue on your journey. It is not always easy, life never is, but there are tools, knowledge and a body of awareness and consciousness to help smooth that bumpy ride for you. We all go through tough and rough times, its standard really, so rather than playing the victim and wishing you had a better childhood or upbringing, relationship or whatever it is, realize that you have the gift of life, you have the gift of awareness, you have the gift of choice to change your life around at any moment in time and you have the choice to get to know you and experience you so that you can experience the absolute best in life – now that is what I call freedom.

But then how do you change something you are not aware of?????? That is for my next update…until then…………………….

Quotes by Esther Austin on Fear

'If we fear our past, then our present is defined as such and we can never fully experience the abundance and joy that the future can present. Nor can we fully experience and enjoy that new moment which the present can put into place for our future, because our future is still in our past'


'Letting go is easier said than done. The defining moment of letting go of old habits, thoughts, perceptions is in the experiencing of your new reality as that, a new beginning, a transformative change. And in the space one can enjoy a different meaning to life'


'Once you leave the past behind, you open up the gift of many wonderful possibilities. Rather than to experience experiences as you may have done, and see the world through the filters of past experiences and pain, you will experience what is present as it is, allowing the newness of something new, neither defined by perception or the past to cloud your judgment'

Esther Austin

Are You a True Leader of Inspiration or Just Talk? Competing with Others or Genuine and Authentic with You?

Dear All

Today I would like to speak about something that I feel is extremely important, something which I have touched upon on several occasions actually. But this message is more for those who purport to be leaders, spiritual gurus, empowering and inspiring the lives of others. The message here today is simply this – we need to be real and authentic about who we are. Because if we do not allow ourselves to get this right, the universe and God will shift something very dynamic and powerful into place to put us back in alignment, an din this process our pain will be great.

For those of us who stand on a platform empowering , reaching out to others, healing, playing the host of all that is honorable and authentic with all the bolshy ‘empowerment talk’ whilst in their heart of hearts whether unconsciously or consciously hold the devil’s pitch fork in their hands, smiling. Remember in that smile the whiteness and witness of your soul will reflect back against that pitchfork and in that moment you will see your reflection shining back at you. Whether you like what is there or not, will depend upon how authentic you really are otherwise taking time out to deal with what is reflected back could be a good idea? I have had to do this many times otherwise, I would not be who I am today and believe me at times, it’s been painful.

Remember: We are energy, we are touching peoples lives, energy transmits, transforms – can we, as leaders, movers and shakers allow ourselves to hinder someone else’s growth by deeds which do not serve the greater good of mankind?

There can only be one truth about this whole empowerment game, that if we are not in alignment with our true selves, it makes no difference whether we are well-known, renown, celebrity, old school, new school, has been, soon-to-be, if we are not in alignment with our true self and not in a position to deal with issues and negative feelings such as:

Begrudging someone else for what they have;
Feeling the need to compete;
Feeling resentful for what someone else has created or has;
(Remember the 10 Commandments)

then we need to stand down NOW, face that side of us we may not be so appealing but yet which is REAL, accept those feelings, acquaint ourselves with those feelings, work through these feelings and then heal them and then stand in our power of integrity and say this is where I was, but I did something about it and now look at where I am. Simple, real. It is in our honesty that we can see the beauty in our weaknesses and work to give them strength through healing. Yet also the beauty of how energy operates – always back to you, whatever you think about becomes your reality.

If we allow ourselves to truly humble our carcasses and allow our God, the universe to work through us, then there CAN NEVER BE any room for any negative thought nor deed to inhabit our lives and if they do then we have to deal with it.


This journey of self-development is NOT A GAME. We cannot hide behind the mask of an organization regardless of global status, or behind our Leaders no matter how huge or dynamic he or she is in the world, or behind words which speak of ‘love, peace, joy, harmony, TRUTH, inspiration and empowerment’ because if the truth be told, those in positions of leadership have a responsibility to themselves first and foremost to clean up the inside of the self, to work on the self and in that space to honor yourself. Yet more importantly you start to honour mankind as well. Being human, there will obviously be times when negative feelings will surface and that’s ok because it is all part of life’s learning but the beauty is in being open to recognize the feeling, accept the feeling and heal it as soon as is possible.

There used to be a saying in the old westerns that ‘white man speak with forked tongue.’ This message was often delivered by an Indian who had stood for as long as it took, just observing, standing in his own space of authenticity and honesty, quietly observing not just what was said verbally but observing body language, movement, even thoughts, actions and most of all man’s presence and spirit. Much can be discerned by presence alone and remember Truth always knows.


We fool ourselves often trying to present what we are not. We fall into the trap of wearing a mask and thinking that by smiling in someone’s face that smile will blind another to a reality which many would want to remain hidden. Let’s get real people, it doesn’t work.

If we truly understand the power of love, if we truly respected the power of love, but if we truly respected that within this privileged role of touching people’s lives whether through our words, hands, books – whatever we are transmitting energy, and we must be as pure as possible. Love gives and does not take away and how can you truly give as a leader, mover and shaker if you do not have all that is required inside.

And lets not keep things twisted any longer neither. Because someone tells you you are wonderful, dynamic, the best leader since Ghandi, do take pride in honoring that because you are all these wonderful things. Yet don’t let someone else’s words blind you to what may be simmering below. Be careful not to use these expressions of compliments to create a veil over what You know you truly need to do. If there is healing that needs to take place, heal. It’s not a bad thing, its not a negative, it just is, its present, its real and therefore needs to be addressed.

The reality, if you are not in authentic space and are not fully honoring you… please stand off your platform for a while and adjust that little man or woman on your shoulder called ego, speak to it, send it love and then put it back in the box where it belongs and then be strong and bold enough to get back on that platform.

Others will respect you more for this - because being able to face who you truly are in that mirror of truth is one of the hardest things anyone can do. I know, I have been there many times myself but the beautiful of life is that you can always start afresh from that moment on and when you do stand on that platform, you can say with integrity that yes, I used to be there, I used to do those things, but I have worked hard on myself and allowed God to work through me and here I am today.

AND REMEMBER THERE IS ENOUGH IN THIS UNIVERSE TO GO AROUND FOR EVERYONE – EVEN YOU

“If we were more aware of our own shadow, we would not be afraid to look in the mirror’
Esther Austin

Angels and Snakes - Are You begruding Another?

Welcome Dear Readers

Over the past few months many incredible things have happened to me. Some of these experiences have been wonderful whilst others have been painful. Yet they have all served me a purpose to learn, to evaluate myself, my actions, my interaction with others. Many of these experiences, I could've used to either empower or dis-empower myself remembering always that we always have a choice and everything happens in life for a reason. Therefore I can learn to embrace these experiences more honestly and authentically and look at the lessons I can learn from them or I could harbor them in my heart like a wrench. Remember pain often means growth and is not a bad thing to experience.

I have experienced the most wonderful and dynamic people into my life and continue to do so. People who can stand in their own strength of honesty and authenticity who do not feel threatened by anyone or anything. People who have worked hard on themselves, often facing that mirror of truth and dealing with what they see there. This is not an easy path to ride, for I too have had to face that mirror often. Yet for me, one of the most profound moments of realization as I fulfill and achieve my life’s mission is the space many people share holding the hands of dishonesty and envy and I have had to protect and close my circle tightly, as the universe shifts people out of my space for this reason.

Yet for many who are at the top or working their way there, or who simply have a vision this has been an experience for them as well, yet it serves to propel those of us forward with more determination and tenacity and more importantly, it truly tests our sense of self and our belief in the power of infinite love and when we understand this from the heart and not the head - then we can understand the power of just letting go and leaving these experiences to the universe and God knowing that whatever lessons we all need to learn will be dealt to us.

Over the past four years, I have worked hard on me and in creating my business, trying to clear out the debris within me, in order for the truth and clarity of life to open up within and to me. Yes I have made mistakes, I have often gone around in circles chasing my tail. I have often had to humble myself and apologise for words spoken harshly or inappropriately. Yet I have had to learn to put my hand up and take responsibility for my own actions. Always remembering my favourite quote by Ghandi “Be the Change you want to see in the world.” This therefore empowered me to take responsibility for me, for my actions, for my words, my thoughts and my deeds and in doing so has cleared the way for me to become extremely intuitive, empowering my spirit of discernment to guide me and ultimately protect me from walking blind into situations which would certainly sabotage myself and my efforts on this wonderful journey. I often say that if you speak dishonesty to me, I will know, but this has come from years of me taking my own self apart, and dealing with my own negative stuff, to fully understand who I am from a place of truth.

This spiritual pathway like any other pathway can be treacherous at times. Movement is about progression is it not? Moving from one space in life to another and hopefully that process means moving to a better place. Growth. Often times, we remain in a static place, looking on from the outside of our lives, peering at what other people are doing, pointing the finger at everyone else but ourselves. Often competing against others with the intention to cause pain, allowing anger, resentment, hatred, envy, jealousy to motivate our every move and with these sidekicks as motivation – the ultimate outcome can only be failure. The reality, therefore, is that following this path will only reflect back into your life and the life of your children, family, friends, experiences and this then becomes a perpetuating cycle even a generation cycle.

We are all unique individuals, blessed with unique gifts and talents. We all have the capacity to do, create and be whoever and whatever we want.

My inspiration for my business have been other successful and wonderful individuals. I didn’t see them as competition nor a threat but as inspiration to enable me to follow my dream. My intention and passion has always been to set up something which would touch and empower lives and along the way I have had to make some executive decisions based on what my spirit of discernment revealed to me. Individuals who wanted to be part of my projects and business who presented what they thought an “honest front” yet their spirit were devious with illusions of monetary gain and dishonesty and yes I am open enough to say this publicly.

What must always be mindful in recognising and fully understanding what is our purpose and intention in everything we do. There is a greater source out there, God, the Universe, Buddah whoever is your higher source and what you do behind closed doors that you feel cannot be seen, has already been noted. Learning to be honest and authentic with ourselves first and foremost is hard, but a must. As we learn more about who we are and work on discarding negative entities within us, then whatever we put our hand to can only materialize into the most positive of endeavors. We must be mindful of the intention behind our every action. Remember, our lives reflect our inner spirit and heart so whether we face the outside world with a smile and with dishonest intention in our hearts this will reflect within our lives.

So with this in mind, I sincerely wish you all well. Follow your own path. There is enough room throughout the universe for us all to follow our dreams, to create and be successful. But we must understand our purpose and be mindful of our every intention.

“If we were more aware of our own shadow, we would not fear to look in the mirror”
Esther Austin

No Man is An Island

We can never become what we truly wish to become
Standing alone on our own islands
Alone
Devised and created by ourselves, or so our ego thinks
Bemused and fooled we simply fall
Into this enticingly torrid trap
Thinking we need to hold the fortress of our lives
Alone
Like shoulders leaning into and against the doors of our bastions
Ready to take on the world
Waiting for life’s cannon to hurl its iron ball
Into our very hearts
And within the confines of our reality
Our bastions and monuments
Are sheathed in our own blood, sweat and tears
Our own heartache sears to the very depths of our soul
exploding into a thousand shards of pain, hurt, anger and FEAR
yet the answer is simple, is it not?
the only complication is to put into action what we truly know
but which we have denied ourselves of, from the beginning of time
the answer my dear friends is to trust in you
to trust in your God, the Universe, the Great I am, your Higher Source
And allow you to lean back into the arms of that spiritual cocoon
Which nurtures, guides, protects and comforts
Supports, loves, understands and holds
Unless man’s spirit has died within the womb of hope
No man is an island, Man cannot stand alone

Esther Austin All Rights Reserved 13th July 2009

QUOTES TO EMPOWER YOUR LIFE

"And as we battle with our self, we battle with our light, diminishing our world into seeds of doubt, bitterness and fear. For as we create this storm within us, we die daily and love fails to touch our very soul, our love fails to reach out to others. Yet within a moments grace, we can allow ourselves to embrace life, to enjoy life, to enjoy who we are. Within a moment, the transition from pain and heartache into peace and love can be acquired. We just have to learn to let go, we just have to learn to be honest and authentic with who we truly are, we just need to learn to walk our talk and the universe will smile down upon us with a generous helping of love and light." Esther Austin


'Once we fail to love ourselves, we fail to live' Esther Austin


'Be mindful of those we teach. Be mindful of those we purport to reach out to and touch. For they know. They watch us daily. We become their source of light and love. We become their anchor, their strength, their hope. Be mindful always to walk your talk. For they know and they watch us daily. Honesty with self first brings much enlightenment.' Esther Austin

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” Jimi Hendrix


“I will greet this day with love in my heart. For this is the greatest secret of success in all ventures. Muscles can split a shield and even destroy life itself but only the unseen power of love can open the hearts of man. And until I master this act I will remain no more than a peddler in the marketplace. I will make love my greatest weapon and none on who I call can defend upon its force... my love will melt all hearts liken to the sun whose rays soften the coldest day.” Og Mandino

Quotes about the self by Esther

A few quotes that came to me, peeps, which is a reflection of where I have just journeyed from and the path I still am on. They reflect my learning as part of my journey. Enjoy

"Isn't it a wonderful thing to realise, that in giving ourself the chance to love ourself, and expect only the best for ourself, surely we can deserve the absolute best from everything that life has to offer us. All we need to do is to say "yes" , "thank you" and trust our higher source that it is so.

"If we desire honour, respect, love and integrity to flow through our lives and relationships then we must hold up a mirror in front of us - and hopefully our wishes will have already been granted for in the reflection of the self is our world."


"Deception is to smile in the face of another, speaking words which fade into dust whilst the devil perches in your heart. But know this, wisdom always knows, so more fool you"