Fill Your Hearts with the Petals of Love

Fill your heart with petals of love
And let them overflow
Unconditionally, unreservedly
Into your environment, into your life
Consuming every part of your psyche and well-being
For love is the true conqueror and healer of many ills
The greatest and most potent of these being resentment and pain.

For these will sit on your shoulder
Like Lucifer’s burdening shadow
Absorbing your very spirit and soul

So fill your heart with petals of love
And let them overflow.

Esther Austin All Rights Reserved©December 2006

Leone Well Done - You Too Can Be A Success

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,I am the dream and the hope of the slave.I riseI riseI rise. "Maya Angelou"

Ladies and gents

Leone finally did it.
Just watching her gave me a great feeling of achievement and elation.

She has proved those wrong who said a woman, never mind a black woman would never make it on the X-Factor. But for me watching her perform and getting a sense of her character and her wonderful talent, never mind being a beautiful woman has made me even more determined to continue this journey of mine to do what I feel in my heart I must do.

Events of late in my life, may have forced some to pull back from life, but for me it has spurred me on in a more determined state. Maybe it’s that I need to be kept busy – keeping my mind focussed, not giving me much time to think. But, just seeing Leone win tonight gave me a feeling of tremendous achievement and for me 2007 can only be the year when the icing on the cake is delivered. Peeps, it’s about finding what you are passionate about, it’s about the passion, the hard work, the delivery.

I wish you all the very best in whatever you choose to do with your life. I wish you all will find whatever it is that you want to do and pursue it with the same humbleness and passion that Leone has done.

Remember, there are tools, strategies and courses out there to help you to get to wherever you want to get to. Find them and run with your dream so bad that you begin to live it.

Well done Leone - you will certainly take the world by storm.

“If You Don’t Create Your Reality, Your Reality Will Create You.”
Lizzie West, Singer/Songwriter 1973

"You Must be the Change you Want to See in the World"

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."
Mahatma Gandhi

Hi peeps

Another week, and as time moves rapidly on from the events of last week, I have been feeling a deep pain in the pit of my stomach, so much so that I can't even cry and I relieve this just by saying "Oh Father."

Time also seems to be keeping me in a rather surreal place. It seems so wrong at times, to be going on with ones life, laughing at times, enjoying moments yet my sister is now not part of that and for that alone, I do feel a little guilty that I still have the priviledge of being alive. But I must not dwell on what if's and why's but I must focuss on making sure that I live life to the best of my ability enjoying and savouring each moment as if it will be my last. I will endeavour to enjoy the simplicities of life and its experiences, which are lessons in themselves, yet which also encourage the premium of what life is really about - memories.

That much I can do in honour of my sister and her spirit, so at least she knows, that I can still laugh with her, if not in physical presence, but in the spirit sense. She watches me I am sure and would scold me if I were to launch myself into a depressive, miserable state.

So this week sees me moving forward and upward. My aim to achieve and excel has been heightened by my experience over the past year. God has certainly moulded me into a much stronger individual and for that I know I have grown, I know I am much stronger and I know what I must do. On that note peeps have a great week and maybe it's time for reflection before the New Year heads in to see if where you are at with your life, is really where you want to be or is it time for change? There is information in my next post about several avenues you could look at if change is to be part of your programme for 2007.

"I cannot teach you violence, as I do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before any one even at the cost of your life."

Mahatma Gandhi

A Wonderful Funeral for a Dynamic Individual

We buried my sister on Monday 4th December 2006. If it must be said it was a wonderful funeral. Responses have been that there was a feeling of warmth and love in the congregation. My sister certainly left a very positive and strong legacy. I will certainly capture and bottle some of her wonderful spirit and will ride the waves with it until I reach the mountain top for which I am aiming for.

The service and the funeral itself, made many of us reflect upon our lives. Tragic though it is that she died so young and in her prime, 39 years of age, she did not go in vain and un-noticed. She left a legacy and made a huge impact on those who knew her. She was not only highly intelligent and gifted, but she was a fighter and her spirit of determination as she battled this illness is to be commended.

Also, what was even more beautiful was the way everyone united, tears mingled with smiles, grieving took place at different levels. There were those whose numbness will remain for a while, others have been left pondering about life and its true meaning and value – it has left us reflecting on many levels.

Our family were supported by so many people, some we knew well others who have travelled with us along our journey through my newsletters. The love and support that was shown was tremendous and a huge thanks goes out to those who attended the funeral as well.

I entered my sister’s room yesterday and was struck by the reality of what her death brough to me. Materialistic gain, designer gear, the latest mod-coms, mean Jack sh… in the bigger scheme of things. When you are gone and what is important are the memories and if you can the legacy you leave behind.

Like I said, life is short and in terms of eternity we are only like a single tear drop in the midst of the ocean. To me this statement defines precisely who and what we are in the scheme of something so much bigger than we are.

MY SPECIAL THANKS TO THOSE WHO HAVE SUPPORTED US

I would like to say a massive thank you to the following people for their unwavered support to myself and my family throughout our sister's illness and at this moment in time. I have specifically chosen these people because of their total and unwavering support both day and night on a regular and constant basis. And for many, they too have had their own cross to bear, yet they still had enough love,support and were unselfish enough and put self aside in order to be there for us - and for this I am respectful.

Yet this group of individuals are not just wonderful supportive networks, who we can and have called on many times, and also who have been there for us unconditionally without request, they are a group of people who we now share something unique and powerful with.

We have become a united front, where love,honesty and unwavering support are unconditional commodities especially in a world where sometimes there are two dimensions and often with people what you see is not necessarily what you get.

There have been times when I have had no where to go and yet other than God there are two individuals more so who have been by my side all the way - Lubna and Coral - I salute you both for holding and bearing me up. These people have been at the end of the telephone line, day and night.

So in honour of these fantastic people, I would like to name and "shame" you all because I know that from this experience our relationships have changed to become more valuable and stronger. I certainly know that I have changed. I have had to hold up and balance many balls this year, stretching myself beyond what I thought capable, taking on challenges whilst always giving and caring and supporting others in the process and sometimes, all I have wanted was to have that same support given to me. I believe that without giving unconditionally, one cannot get back or receive their due and if I too had not been caring and giving to others unconditionally, I would not have received the suuport I have had.

These people have not only been contactable at the end of the telephone line both day and night, they have turned up when I have least expected it, they have sent special little cards and sometimes sentimental gifts. They have been our angels on earth.

My Best Friends: Lubna and Rehan ul-Haq, Claudette Shaw and Errol Sergeant, Shirley and Andrew Hunte, Lorraine Williams and Delroy Constantine-Simms, Auntie Coral.

Then there are another elite group of people Pat Carrington, Janice Carrington, Roz Griffiths, Lesley Watson,Mr P, Geraldine Reid, Syil Phoenix, Cousin Roberta Walker, Sarda and Sam, Maria Genco, Sandra Jones, Carol Jacobs. Claudette and Clifton Young-Davidson, Akua, Terry, Yvonne Gayle.

There are many other people whose concern has been touching and I thank you also, for your numerous well-wishes. Even from individuals we have never met, but who have been on this journey with us, through information in my newsletters.

Peeps, it's at times when things get tough that you realise who your real support networks are and the thing about unconditional love and support is that it doesn't matter what time of day or night you are needed, it doesn't matter what it is that is required, it doesn't matter how far on the other side of the world you may be - it's in the knowing that you will be there regardless.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I also say thank you to my children Cameron and Ashley. I have certainly changed inside, and I can feel a strength that is so powerful that I know that God will in his time provide that strength through someone else just for me. Until that time, I salute my friends and once again say THANK YOU.

Our Deepest Fear - Poem by Marianne Williamson

Dear All

Today life has taken me on a thoughtful journey. Perspectives, beliefs and values have had to be re-assessed. Goals changed and then set in motion. Understanding my purpose here on earth and in this life is important to evaluate. In terms of eternity, we are just a tear drop within the span of the ocean and with this realisation, therefore, we need to start believing in ourselves, search for our purpose and pursue it with passion and fervour. Life is very short. They say our graveyards are rich and why? because they are full of people who never had the chance to enjoy or pursue their dreams, so they have taken all those wonderful thoughts, ideas, talents and skills with them. Aim to begin to enjoy life and live each day as if it is your last. I would therefore, like to leave the following poem by Marianne Williamson with you which I think is beautiful so Enjoy

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small Does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, As children do.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

Note: This inspiring quote is taken from Marianne Williamson's book

A Return to Love. Though often quoted as part of Nelson Mandela's moving inaugural speech, "Our Deepest Fear" does not appear in the speech.

So Many Souls Departed

So many departed
Torn away from us
Their souls
Taken into
Another place
Where only God
Can reach

Oh, so many souls, departed
And we, who are left behind
Grasp feebly at the tendrils of what is left
The memories of times past
Lingering thoughts
about what should have been
What could have been
Trying to entice life back
into an existence of their being

Oh, how feeble this attempt
For we must remember
That we are man and not God
Yet pain and sorrow
Often depletes sanity from the mind
Sometimes leaving
Insanity knocking
Fervently at our door

But be strong, oh thou
For strength is a power
that resides within more
than heart and soul
a determination of mind, body and spirit
an inner peace and belief in God
it’s our past, our present, our future
wrapped up in the belly of experience

So many souls departed
And may they all rest in peace

Now Our Angels


ESTHER AUSTIN@ ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 27TH NOVEMBER 2006
DEDICATED TO MY SISTER DEBORAH WHO PASSED AWAY ON 22ND NOVEMBER 2006

And If I Were To Weep?

And If I were to weep?

And if I were to weep
Would my soul break in two?
Or would my heart render itself
Like a weeping willow
Into the depths of sorrow’s murky grasp?


And if I were to weep
Would my tears rise like a swirling mist
and depart as if on the wings of a dove
Into the comforting, soft white arms
Of the clouds?

And if I were to weep
Would I exhaust myself from the frustrations
Of my inner most thoughts, which try to make sense
Of the world I have been thrown into?

And I were to weep
Could it be that I weep for my dearly departed sister?
Looking down on me
Who now sits pain free, the torments of this life
Now cocooned within the waiting arms of God?

Or would the tears I shed be shed for me?
One who has been left behind
to endure and wallow in my own personal pain
not knowing where to turn, until my mind
mad with heartache, steeps itself in the womb of prayer


ESTHER AUSTIN@ ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 27TH NOVEMBER 2006
DEDICATED TO MY SISTER DEBORAH WHO PASSED AWAY ON 22ND NOVEMBER 2006

Believe in What you Want

Believe in what you want
Believe in who you are
Believe that it is possible
Believe it so much so
that whatever you want
becomes the very air you breathe
and becomes the driving force of positive action
which fuels your life into the place you want to be.

So dream that dream so bad
And believe in it as if food for the soul
And you will begin to live it
Then throw it out to the universe
And like the proverbial rubber ball
It will come bouncing back to you.

Esther Austin© All Rights Reserved November 2006

MY SISTER PASSED AWAY

Dear All

On Wednesday morning, 22nd November 2007 at approximately 6am my sister passed away. She had battled with cancer for a long time. She suffered an enormous amount of pain yet she always wore a smile.

Our family have been overwhelmed by the messages of support and condolences from everyone. We have been offered so much unconditional support and love that I can only say we are truly blessed.

I would like to say a massive thank you on behalf of the family to all who have sent their well wishes.

My sister was indeed a trouper, a warrior. One thing that has materialised from finally meeting people she worked with, the nurses, and patients at the hospital where she was cared for was that she was a positive, determined individual who stood her ground and fought a good fight.

She certainly deserves a medal not only of bravery, but for touching the hearts of many with her attitude.

She never once let this cruel disease take advantage of her in that she gave into its cruel talons. She was strong in mind and will and with that she was able to endure this disease and even laugh in its face.

I was there the night she passed away. God had spoken to me over the weekend. He told me that my sister was going to pass on Tuesday or Wednesday this week and that I would be there with her and to prepare myself. I have never prayed so much in my life, yet a quiet confidence in knowing what must be done enveloped me.

I had an important role to fulfill and whether or not I wanted to, God had assigned this to me. It was my unconditional duty on behalf of my sister whom I had grown to love even more over the past year. My mother and sister also had their roles to play and when the time was right they too would continue do this well.

Spending time with her, laughing with her, comforting her, looking after her, sharing her pain, watching her in pain, watching her struggle to maintain her independence as it slowly slipped away was painful. Yet just knowing she was surrounded by a wonderful network of individuals i.e my mother who did a fantastic job, my younger sister, myself and a strong network and body of friends and family was enough to keep her sane and in good spirits and hopeful.

I am very blessed that I have and had a strong relationship with my now deceased sister as well as my younger sister. My sister and I were very close. Some people described us as having a husband and wife relationship. She helped me raise my children, we went most places together, we spoke every day at least four or five times. And during her time in hospital when I stayed with her on many occasions, our bond grew stronger. My mother often mentioned that on the days I could not stay with her she “pined” for me.

I would therefore like to end with this. A massive thank you to all those who have sent their condolences and well wishes. We are blessed with a strong network of friends whose unconditional support and love is not only overwhelming but strengthening.

Deborah, my wonderful sister, I salute you, I Love you, I grieve for you, but knowing you are not in pain anymore, gives me peace.

Father God, thank you for your insurmountable strength and love. And I thank God for the close friendship I have with my one remaining sister and the strong body of friends, true friends that surround us.

Thank you to my partner, Delroy, for sending out the original message of condolence and for his quiet yet strong support.

Thank you to my best friend Lubna for her support and help always, Claudette Shaw, Geraldine Reid, Roz Griffiths, Lesley Watson, Maria Genco, Sarda and Sam (Deborah’ and many others for their help.


Love you always

SISTER'S PLIGHT WITH CANCER

Dear All

I have been quiet of late as I am dealing with a personal issue.My sister has been suffering from breast cancer since 2002 a journey that she has bravely battled.

The disease came back last year and this year it spread to her brain and throughout her body. She was diagnosed as terminal two months ago. Yet at no time did she nor her family ever regress into thinking that she would not survive, because we knew she was a warrior and we believed in a God who could do all things.

The cancer on the brain is making her suffer, her pain is incomprehensible to me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not exposing my personal business to you all for sympathy’s sake but to describe this rather surreal journey to you in the hope that someone out there may get something from all this as you too may have your own personal tragedy to deal with.

I am by no means advocating or preaching a sermon to anyone, for we are all individuals who deal with life’s circumstances in our own unique way. Yet what I would like to share about this journey are the following:I have had to lean into the arms of God more than ever before. This journey, though surrounded by a wonderful body of people, is at the same times lonely, because no-one can understand the pain that not only myself but my mother, sister and my sons are going through. This is because it is our own personal experience and pain. You too may have gone through something similar, but we are all unique individuals, and how we experience life will differ greatly, even if the experience is similar.

We all experience pain or rather deal with pain in different ways, yet for me when I feel there is no-where to snuggle into, when I feel that my pain will erupt from within me, driving me into the hands of insanity’s call, this is when I lean even further into God’s hands.For me, this journey is made bearable because of the strength I have drawn from God, from praying and listening to music and exercising. Music to me is a powerful and seductive medium. Another place where I can go and escape. Another place which touches my heart, my spirit, my soul, my pain with the melodies of enlightenment and upliftment.

For me also, this journey is about friendships, the coming together of a body of people under tragic circumstances, but the uniting of an entity of individuals whose strong faith, whatever their background and belief in God are paramount and strengthening.For me over the past few months, I know I have changed. I have grown stronger. I can feel a strength within me that through the pain of watching my sister struggle and suffer, grows. Yet it is more than just growth I am experiencing, but an emotional, spiritual and enlightening transformation.For me acceptance and learning to let go and Let God has helped. Whatever his will, I have accepted and this helps to conquer the subtle fingers of denial, which could so easily crawl its sly self into my present situation and confuse me.

For me, through my sister’s suffering, it is still a joy that friends and family can still find the rays of laughter within. Laughter is therapeutic. My younger sister and our body of friends and relatives are very positive, uplifting people with a great sense of humour, perspective, reality which keeps us buoyant and sane. And when we laugh or jest, it was good to see my sister smile, through her pain, even giggling at times and it is so, my sister.Therefore to me, the best thing we have is hope, faith, unity, strength and laughter. Otherwise, without these, I don’t know how I would remain strong and determined.

My sister’s perseverance to remain as independent as possible has been commendable. She can barely walk now or hold anything or see straight, yet her determination to hold onto independence and her dignity is faith in itself. Though it pains me to see her struggling with even the most basic and simple movements, chores etc, she is still determined. Frustration yes often renders her into tears, yet still she refuses to give up on the simplest thing of brushing her teeth. It is now not a case of doing things well, but being able to do anything at all.To me all the above teaches me a lesson and that is that life is too short, we never know when our time is due and that we should live each day as if it is out last, we should love passionately, and we should strive to do whatever sits passionately in our hearts and learn to take risks as well. Yet mostly importantly is it about loved ones and those you treasure the most.Yet this week, 20th November 2006, my sister is deteriorating rapidly.

My mind is now confused, my sense a whirlwind of pain, anxiety whilst hope still peeps furtively around the corner – yet I just want it all to end. Not for my sake and to ease my own personal pain, but for her sake and I pray that God takes her, in peace, with peace to a better place.

I have published a book for my sister called: Looking on from the Outside: Sister to Sister. The book is retailing at £7 and Proceeds go to the Breast Cancer Haven, at my sister’s request.Thank you


Publishsers: AuthorHouseEmail orders to: http://uk.f250.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=bkorders@authorhouse.comBook Order Hotline at 888.280.7715http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/BookHome.aspx