A Wonderful 2009 - to you All

Dear All

Yes it has been a while now since I have penned something on this site. What can I say. I have been busy - mostly in the throes of doing much reflection and analysis on who I am, now, at the end of 2008 and where I am going. Also, constantly working towards the greater vision and goal of where I want to be in life and it has been a wonderful journey of sorts this year.

I have had my back pushed against the wall so many times, this year it has been an incredible journey of perseverance, learning, growth and sheer determination. Often times, I have been on the verge of screaming from frustration and the sheer amount of work required to get my business up and running. I have been pushed to the limits in terms of juggling my children, temping, continuing building the business, delivering workshops – yet now that I have come to the end of another year – I am in a much stronger, more focussed place. More so, I am finally learning to relax into Esther and enjoy Esther more and give time to Esther more.

I have been doing much contemplation and there is much anticipation about the coming New Year and all the wonderful things I can look forward to in my life. How do I know that 2009 will be a different year or should I say a year when I will once again step up to the mark even more? Because I can feel it, I have seen it in my vision and dream it in my dreams every night. This year has certainly been a very very challenging year for me. I realise that for many people this same is true. Yet how I see these challenges now is how they have honed and toned me, making me into the person I now am, at this moment in time and I am feeling great.

I have really had to take myself apart many, many times this year and slowly put "me" back together. This has meant much meditation, prayer, spending time alone and being still within the presence of God and the Universe. Psalms 46 talks about "be still and know that I am God" and within the stillness of my own space, I have manifested some dynamic things. I have been able to go deeper within myself to see my future. I have once again began the journey of understanding who Esther truly is and experienced the talents and gifts that I have, learning to embrace them, with an authentic voice of gratitude and thanks.

I have had to learn to lean into myself and fully trust that I am guided always, in honesty and truth by a source greater than I and I have had to trust this source 100%at all times and lean into God's arms and you know what this has taught me? not to fear anymore, and to learn to just be "me." Often times, I have found that I have had my barrier up, not fully letting go and experiencing the "real" me in my own personal flow. This has meant that I have often given the perception of being a little more aloof that I really am and I realised this stemmed from me not fully trusting, whether not trusting myself or just trusting. Therefore, what I resolved to do was to break this barrier I often put up because I now wanted to enjoy life more, and enjoy me more and enjoy the fact that, once I fully trusted in God, the higher source, the Universe, then everything would be alright. In this knowledge therefore, I also realised that for me now, I do not equate life and its experiences as right or wrong , positive or negative, because to believe that whatever experiences I go through, I go through them for a reason. The beauty in this understanding is that, what are the lessons learnt from these experiences? What have I learnt about myself? and how can that, therefore, impact on my future?

Take a relationship I was in two years ago that went sour. I now realise that I had to experience that relationship and all the upheaval and heartache it caused in the end, to fully understand something about myself. I certainly learned a lot about myself and one key thing was this, I had to learn to love "Esther" 100% and not just 85%. I was expecting someone else to fulfil the other 15% of who I was, making me whole, but this meant that I was still giving away part of myself to someone else, which is a very unhealthy thing to do. I had to learn to take full responsibility for my role in this scenario and also understand that I deserved only the best. I also realised that I did not have to hold onto something that no longer served any purpose in my life. Therefore after that relationship, I worked on understanding Esther again and after much reflection an soul searching, another painful journey, but one that had to be taken, I asked God and the Universe to provide me with the most wonderful and suitable person for my life, at the right moment in time, and I have already visualised this person into being, it’s just a matter of time. The great thing about this spiritual journey is the manifestation of many things, because 5 years ago, I had visualised the gentleman from my previous relationship and 2 years after that I met him.

Therefore, I believe he was put in my path and life in order for me to undergo some real, serious learning and as the English say "By Jove" I learned some hard lessons, but lessons nevertheless that I had to understand and which have served me so well. The great Mahatma Ghandi once said "Be the change YOU want to see in the world. " Therefore does this not stand true that whatever we are about, whatever we experience in our life, ultimately the buck starts and stops with US.

So on this note, I would like to wish you all a wonderfully dynamic New Year. Whatever you want out of life, it is there for the taking. Just be honest with yourself, first and foremost, be authentic with who you really are, have integrity to your own self, your feelings, etc and you will experience your world in a most wonderful way. Much love to all you wonderful spirits of light and may you forever continue to grow through the power of unconditional love for yourself and your fellow men. A Blessed 2009

You Fill My Head

You fill my head
You fill my thoughts
You fill my mind with seasonings
Of what if’s and what could be

I lean into myself
Huddling warm into my thoughts
My mind, a vision board of meanderings
Simply evoking beauty
Out of the place where my heart now sits

With every strum and beat of my pulse
I thank God for the space I now reside
A place of gratitude
Experienced only by the
Wonderful ocean of solitude
Which surrounds me like a mist
Silent, yet whole and free

And yes I am glad that I can
Be rest-assured that where I am
Right now, is where I need to be
This place of just being
This place of accepting
A place where love’s unconditional basket,
Constantly overflows
This place where
a thousand drums beat strong around me
Because life beats strong throughout this world
Throughout this dimension
Resonating within me, through me and around me
Rushing strong through me

You fill my thoughts
You fill my mind
You fill me with wishful thinking
Of what if’s and what could be
You fill a gap within my soul
Your presence, defining me

Obama Does it - and so Can You!

Incredulous? Surprised? Elated? Whatever you are feeling at this moment, this is a defining point in history.

Barack Obama, the first African-American President of the United States.

‘I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.’ Dr Martin Luther King from his Rhetoric, I have a Dream

And in another great demonstration which represents a shift in dynamics within the spiritual realm which is working for the greater good. In the greater scheme of things, an indication of the sign of the times, this will certainly go down in History as being one if not the most life-changing and powerful statements to the world. In another act of defiance against the mindsets of those who said and believed it would never happen – WELL IT HAS, Barack Obama is the first African-American President of the United States of America. So where do you stand in the persistence and insistence of following your own dreams? Esther Austin

Barack Obama is now a man whose name can join the plethora of greats from the history books of time. Barack Obama now represents that iconic something which many feel is lacking within our community, A Black Role Model and how significant this event has been as this man stands upon such a platform. Can someone get greater than this, other than standing in the shoes of Almighty God?

"Someone was hurt before you; wronged before you; beaten before you; humiliated before you; raped before you; yet, someone SURVIVED." - Maya Angelou

Yet more importantly, apart from our own agenda, this man represents something symbolically profound. He has walked the talk and turned his dream and vision into reality by the conviction of his faith in believing he could make it to the mountaintop. This so called epic scenario is not about where he is now but the journey he has trod which hope, determination, tenacity, perseverance, courage, ambition and faith of character, which has placed him on the platform he now stands.

Certainly, Barack Obama is aware of the consequences that could rear their ugly heads to negatively feed off his success and thwart his future role as President. This man knows the huge responsibility he now carries upon his shoulders. Yet more poignantly he knows that he is about the American People, he is their voice of hope. His purpose is to define change and instigate transformation, to bring the new into existence and give hope to the people of America. He took the teachings of Dr Martin Luther King and turned his dream into reality, representing HOPE to the masses, and surely identifying with “A Change must Come.”

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Napleon Hill

The great Marcus Garvey once said ‘Up You Mighty Race, You Can Accomplish What You Will’ and this is something which each and every one of us should use as a mantra. This victory for Obama represents the dreams and visions of many, from as far back as the history books of time define the struggle for power and the right to stand where others have stood.

He stands on the shoulders of great men and women who have gone before, whose lives represented the fight for democracy and freedom, who chose to make a stand, even at the expense of loosing their lives. He stands on the great words of prolific leaders like Marcs Garvey, Malcolm X, Dr Martin Luther King and many more. Therefore, for many who are blinded by those opportunities which surround us every day, because of our own limitations and beliefs and by not having the courage to step outside of our own corridors of fear I encourage you with the words ‘At least try.’

"Don't wish it was easier; wish you were better. Don't wish for less problems; wish for more skills. Don't wish for less challenge; wish for more wisdom." - Jim Rohn

This lesson in its simplicity is – that you can achieve and be anything you want, you just have to find the power of conviction and belief in the message that is in your heart.

75% of people’s thoughts are negative, a well known fact. Conspiracy theories have been floating around the issues of his race, agenda, color etc. Yet for me quite simply this man looked past all this because ‘he had a dream.’ Regardless to what stood before him, he knew that with a strong team around him, a supportive framework, understanding the dynamics of what it truly means to make a sacrifice in order to gain, he now stands victorious in a place where no man of colour has stood before. I dare any of you, therefore, not to let the defeatist in you say ‘I can’t do it’ – and be inspired by the events of this week.

‘Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." Dr Martin Luther King

Challenged in the Highland of Scotland, October 2008

My last entry touched on challenges and the journey of where they take you in life and the learning experienced from them. How we all deal with such circumstances is different, yet ultimately, they serve a unified purpose in terms of lessons learned. Without God pushing us against the very boundaries of life at times, it would be so easy to become complacent. With complacency there leads a lack of motivation and personal growth. So all in all, whatever we face serve us in some way. This may not be clear at the time, but it will certainly prove true at some point in the future, when we look back on what was and when we can face the truth of what we needed to learn from that experience.

Last week, I went to Scotland as part of a training initiative to tackle gun and knife crime.It was a Youth Leadership Programme, designed to take us outside our comfort zones, which it certainly did. Leadership skills were challenged from many different angles from the emotional, spiritual, physical to the psychological. Many who went, I am sure, felt themselves pushed against the wall of no return, yet at the end of the week, realised that yes they had survived. All body pieces still nicely intact. Thereby identifying that the human spirit is certainly one of tremendous strength and courage and when the tough gets going, the going gets tough.

Part of my experience up in the Scottish Highlands was a survival phase. This involved being kitted out in water-proof gear and being driven across wind swept seas to a secluded island. In gale force winds, we had to carry heavy rucksacks, fish for food which predominantly consisted of mussels and limpets (shell fish). Our teams then had to strategise to build tents and fires. Digging the “pooh” pit was one of my chores and it was at that point realisation hit. It was intriguing trying to decipher the best spot to dig this pit, whether to do this so that one leant against a tree or did I position the hole so that one held onto a tree as one positioned oneself to do “the job.”
It was certainly an amazing how everything around us can be used in some way to form part of a survival strategy.

We were then taken on a range of hair-raising exercises in the cold, hungry as hail and winds lashed us from side to side. We took it in turns to abseil down a cliff, jump off a hill (obviously whilst harnessed to a rope and hoping fervently that team members responded as taught to haul us safely back up, without scratching our faces off on the hillside). We had numerous psychological exercises to perform.

We then had to trudge back for approximately 45 minutes to camp through calf high mud, slipping and sliding in near darkness. Working as a team to keep up morale was great. Everyone helped and supported each other and boosted each other’s spirits and as it steadily grew darker and colder, the realisation that when we got back to camp, we still had to cook and there were only a few rations of mussels and limpets certainly did not make many happy bunnies. Our last activity was sold to us as being given a treat. I am glad that at that point we did not turn around and try to head home because we would never had eaten that night. Upon going on a bit of a treasure hunt to find this “gift” we then had to crack a code to get into the boxes which housed our rations. A few potatoes, some rice, a few carrots, porridge oats, raisins, a few tea bags and oxo cubes. No-one dared to complain, hunger was already making many miserable.

Back at camp the cooking proceeded with only a few small pans to use. Each team member had a role to play. We used a flat rock to cook the limpets on. Limpets look like snails with little antennaes. At first I refused to look at these little, fat creatures with two horns protruding from their being, but we were told they were nutritious and I had not eaten all day, therefore closing my eyes and thinking of a nice leg of lamb, I put one in my mouth and then donned many more after that. Tasted like chicken. The rice was well as good as it got. Hard and grainy, soft and lush. The potatoes and carrots were good, until the pan tipped onto the fire and like scavengers we had to pick them up and yes…..eat them.

After cooking, we then played a few mind games and then went to sort of sleeping arrangements. It was certainly fun getting into our sleeping bags and trying not to slide out of our tent, as we had built our base on a bit of a hill. Not that we had much choice in the matter.

The whole experience was a wonderful wake-up call in the realisation of how privileged we really are and how complacent we have all become. Being pushed outside our comfort zones was certainly uncomfortable for many. Not having a routine, not knowing what was around the corner or what to expect in terms of how our day went. The weather pretty much dictated all this. Especially when the next morning we were up early to rise and told that a storm was brewing, gale force 8 and 9’s and that we had to try to leave the island asap, otherwise we’d be stuffed.

For me, the whole week solidified the notion that when pushed outside our zones, we can do anything. Survival instincts kick in and you do what you have to do without moaning, without fear. Complacency keeps up rooted in the box of fear and many never leave that box, always playing it safe and sound. Yet the learning from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is so invaluable.

This blog entry is not about you going off and doing something totally crazy. The above tale is just to make you think of where you are at in your life and why you are there. Is fear keeping you staked to a place you no longer want or need to be? Have you lost motivation for life and all the wonderful experiences you can access if you really want?

“Move outside of yourself and your comfort zone every once in a while and experience life from a different viewpoint. Inch by inch, step by step you will gain such a wonderful potpourri of life’s dynamic dimensions that you will wonder why you let fear stop you from embracing life. ” Esther Austin

Taking on Challenges and Keep on Going

Dear All

Yes it has been a while since I had updated this blog. A long time for me, in fact, to not put words to paper, commit words to computer. As many of you know, I love to write and share my experiences or just to write what I feel, so it is certainly unusual for me not to write for such a long period of time.

It certainly has been a very challenging few months, or maybe I have become a little more sensitive to the road I journey upon. Maybe I have become impatient? Whichever one it is, I am still here, vision on the horizon brimming strongly and like a true trooper I have surrendered myself to the continuum of moving forward, onwards and upwards, against the tide of waves, which often tirade against me.

To say the past few months have been challenging would be an understatement. What has kept me going and held me in a place of sanity has been my ability to meditate often, to have the freedom to talk long, peaceful and reflective walks out in the open, to visit the gym where I can stare unseeing at MTV as I walk away my anxieties and challenges on the treadmill or some other equipment.

Yet, as each challenge faced me, I immediately sought to find a solution or reach out to Plan B, then C. Whatever it took, whatever I needed to do to continue in the normality of my daily routine, I undertook this with that single focus and determination in order to attain my end result.

Though challenges were faced on a daily basis, more so it seems that ever before, I have also made incredible achievements in terms of my personal and business journey to realise my dreams and vision.

My new website is now up and running www.estheraustin.com. It may need to be tweaked here and there, but for me this is a long time coming. I love the logo, which to me captures the essence of who I am. That “EA” is a symbol of everything wonderful. Esther Austin, Excellence Achieved, Encouraging Agenda – however you see me in those two letters, I hope you see my spirit captured there. Oprah Winfrey uses her signature “O” so why not the “EA” and a huge thank you goes out to David Bircham and his wonderful wife for capturing and creating my spirit within the logo.

The past few months have been spent knocking on doors of establishments to let them know that I am here, promoting my services. I am now in a position to move forward with my agenda and do what I love and do well. To deliver my personal transformation workshops and to soul coach those who want to move forward with their lives, but not sure how to.

I have the opportunity to run a workshop at a Conference at the Excel shortly, once again a chance for me to do what I love best to an audience which will be new to me, therefore taking me out of my comfort zone. I have knocked on many doors. Perseverance becoming my middle name. I have made numerous phone calls on a regular and daily basis. Always believing in my dream and vision even when the Yes turned to No’s or there was a lack of interest. Yet, always believing that the break-through to success is just around the corner, I have continued undeterred.

Yet, I have had to stop to analyse this last statement where I say success is just around the corner, because I must admit that I am currently experiencing abundance in my life, and the notion that success is just around the corner, therefore is just that a notion. I therefore realise that I am thinking about this success in monetary and financial terms, which I know will materialise very soon.

I have learned to be grateful for all that I have and have experienced. I have learned that the abundance is right here in front of me, with me, inside of me. I have learned to appreciate the richness in my relationships with my children, family and close friends. I have learned to appreciate the singleness of thought in terms of my creativity. The mere fact that I am able to get up every morning and start a new day doing what I love doing best, is indeed a true privilege. I am enjoying more and more being alone in the space of just being, where I am comfortable with who I am and what I represent. I love to walk and think and reflect. I love to walk with music in my head, soothing and caressing my most intimate thoughts, or creating daydreams which float me on the wings of illusion, delusion. I love to spend time with my children, to watch them grow and to enjoy the relationship we have, bonding and merging. I am grateful for all the wonderful opportunities which flood my way constantly pushing me out of my comfort zone, molding me as an individual and a leader.

Yes, I speak of the challenges I have had yet I speak of the achievements and opportunities which are priceless.

Now, I continue on this journey. To self-actualization? Hmm maybe. The beauty of my journey is that through life’s experiences, I continue to grow and learn, continually reflecting and analyzing and learning and learning and learning.

“To take ownership of your life, you must learn to experience life as a whole. The good with the bad, the old with the new, the Ying and the Yang. Yet the learning from your journey cannot truly start, until you realize your responsibility that accountability for your life and experiences starts with you.” Esther Austin

Great Institutions are being Shaken to the Ground - What Will it Take for Us to Take the Reigns of our lives?

Today, Tuesday 16th September our family learned that a close family friend, someone who called my mother "mother" was found stabbed to death in Hornsey. It has been on the news. His name was David Stoute a wonderful, wonderful man who constantly gave with love, and who always had a smile on his face and laughter in his heart. There are signs of something bigger brewing all around us.

Today, Tuesday 16th September on my InspireMe show, I spoke about taking a look around us in order to engage with what is truly going on. I spoke about something huge which is brewing throughout the world. I spoke about being able to pick up on a spiritual energy of something enormous, that is shifting and moving around us.

The Celestine Prophecy speaks about a spiritual awakening. The Bible talks about certain things coming to pass in the end days. There are signs, my good people, all around us and we need to wisen up to the tale that is been told.

Great institutions are crashing down around us. Institutions that have stood for years, symbols of a greatness that seemed untouchable, now lie in tatters, their name nothing more than a legend, gracing the history books of time. Institutions that have served the people, acquiring wealth, forging who they were on the validity of status and monetary worth. Institutions housing expensive suits and big ideas – yet where are they now.

And may I be so bold as to list all others that have had to take a bow, institutions they may not all be, but they once stood for something:

Lehman Bank
XL Airlines
Merill Lynch (Currently being bailed out)

The list will certainly go on, my friends. We are also bombarded with buzz words which seep into our subconscious further spreading fear, confining us within the cage of life which we have built around us. “Credit crunch”, "job loses", “house prices going through the roof” “rising fuel bills” and the list goes on and on and one – "the economy is in meltdown".

So look around you slowly and carefully and try to understand the bigger picture, because there is a bigger picture and the spaces in between the truth which we are not seeing clearly are things that we need to be mindful of. Pensions are no longer secure. Mortgages are no longer secure. Can we trust our banks with our investments? Can we trust others to look after our well being from employment, finances, health and wealth?

it is time for us to empower ourselves and stop relying on The Government and blaming others for the decline in our personal world. It is time for us all to find that power that exists within and re-define our lives, so that we all can live in abundance. Conformity should not be part of that package.

What is the tale that we are being told? What is the message that is there for us to see and to take action upon? What is it peoples?

For me, the message is clear. It is time for us to become self-sufficient. It is time for us to take responsibility for our lives. It is time for us to empower our children with more than just the basics we feed them. It is time for us to do what is in our hearts. To reach for the stars, to make changes within our lives, for the betterment and the progression of our lives and existence. It is also time for us to realise what is important in our lives. The simple basics of love, family and friends. Of helping and supporting our fellow human being. Of love and compassion, because when everything else is stripped away from us and those great institutions fall taking our money, our jobs our livelihood - we only have the love of close family and friends holding our hands.

It is time for us to relinquish all those labels which confine and dictate who we are. It is time for us to shrug off those pegs which put us into one category of talent and skill, limiting us in terms of how we see ourselves and how we define who we truly are.

We are neither one nor the other – we are all. We are many things and we are much more. It is time for the carpenter, the painter, the road sweeper the academic, the professional, the secretary to realise that their vocation is a universal one and that within them are many dimensions of being. Take away the labels and we all can be whoever and whatever we want to be. Tap into that reservoir of talent and skill that lays dormant. Tape into the psyche of who you really are. There are signs, people out there telling us that we no longer are in control of anything in our lives. God ultimately has the final call, but he has also given us a plate of choices. He has not given us the funnel of limitation and complacency.

So what will it take in your life for you to realise, you must take the reigns of your own life? Will it take for the demise of another global institution to rattle your shackles a little?

Don’t you get it? Empires and institutions are not only going down, those left standing are frightened, their foundation is being rocked by something much bigger than they can envisage. Here today, gone tomorrow. We no longer have tomorrow on hand to serve us well, we only have today.

The Great Mosiah Marcus Garvey who has been quoted as being one of the greatest mass leaders of all time states:

“Up you mighty Race. You can accomplish what you will”

Regardless of race or creed – his message is pertinent to all.

Marcus Garvey was the first man of colour in the history of the United States to lead and develop a mass movement…the first man on a mass scale…to make the Negro feel that he was somebody….
Martin Luther King Jr – Civil Rights Leader


All the freedom movements that are taking place.. in America were initiated by the work and teachings of Marcus Garvey.
Malcolm X. Muslim Minister

Marcus Garvey talks about many things in the book “Marcus Garvey Said….” Compiles and Edited by Ken Jones

He talks about intelligence. Here he states:

“Never forget that intelligence rules the world and ignorance carried the burden. Therefore, remove yourself as far as possible from ignorance and seek as far as possible to be intelligent.

We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slaver because while others might free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind. Mind is your only ruler, sovereign. The man who is not able to develop and use his mind is bound to be the slave of the other man who uses his mind. When God Almighty made man in His own image and likeness, it wasn’t the physical, it was the mind that was like God.”


Economic Power

“In a word, my message to you is: Develop yourselves into a commercial and industrial people, and you will have laid the foundation for racial greatness (1919).

Power

The only protection against injustice in man is power – physical, financial and scientific”

Organisation

Get organised; keep separated and you will be exploited, you will be robbed, you will be killed. Get organised and you will compel the world to respect you. If the world fails to give you consideration because you are black men…four hundred millions of you shall, through organisation, shake the pillars of the universe and bring down creation, even as Samson brought down the temple upon his head and upon the heads of the Philistines

..get armed with organization; get armed by coming together….That is your weapon. Their weapon…has been big guns and explosive shells, your weapon must be universal organisation.

There is no-where in Marcus Garvey’s teachings that purport retreat nor giving up. His message always clearly talks about rising up in our own power and strength And marching forward as such. Not relying on others, nor expecting the world to give us what we think it owes us, because we are owed nothing. But he talks about utilising the resources within us.

I could draw so many things from different leaders who grace our history books of time, whose message is one of becoming self-sufficient, of finding inner strength to step outside the conformity box and live life as we should. Live the life which our spirits yearn and cry out for. We must learn to honour this place of authenticity from which our spirit cries out for us to find our truth and live our truth. We can only do this if we follow our purpose and live the dream we were meant to experience and enjoy.

Too many of us are living lives of complacency, fear guiding our every footstep, always living on the periphery of existence itself.

The time has certainly come to move forward with our own personal agenda. Look around you peoples and watch as the great institutions coming crashing down. Look around you and understand what is truly important in your life. Look around you and search your heart for your values and beliefs. Look around you and take back control and responsibility:

“Up you mighty Race
You can Accomplish what you Will”

Don’t wait until the world crashes down around you before you realise what you have truly lost….The power and choice to make a real difference in your own life and follow your purpose, accountable to no-one but God and yourself.

The Truth about our Truth

Truth – what is truth? Many believe in truth. Many think they know and understand what is truth – yet many are blinded. Is wisdom also truth? Is it an understanding of the dynamics of life and all its complexities which often befall us within the pot of experience? Wisdom offers us the cup of truth. It also offers us the chance to seek deep within the soul what we truly are, a chance to walk hand in hand in the footprint of truth. A favourite quote of mine, by Esther Austin is “If we were more aware of our own shadow, we would not be afraid to look in the mirror.” So ultimately, what does this say about truth? This tells us that through wisdom, we should endeavour to ultimately seek and search for the advancement and betterment of the self, yet can we only establish this through the finding of our own truth?

Indeed, finding our own truth, is therefore the catalyst to opening our eyes to the world and the universe.

Is wisdom fact or fiction, depending from which side of the fence one perceives oneself and depending on whether one has personally faced the mirror of truth and discovered whatever skeleton there is or not in our cupboard! Yet the beauty of life is that, with discovery comes an awareness of, and with this awareness one then has the choice to take action.

For those of us who understand and even overstand – let us bear the light that searches within us, day by day. A light which speaks to our hearts and soul. A light which radiates through and within us so that we stand for the strength of what that light embodies, in the silence of who we truly are.

We need not speak words to prove the expanse of our existence. We do not need to validate who we are through our overstating of actions and deeds. Neither do we need to validate who we are by using ego, arrogance, status, qualifications, merits, material grandeur and wealth to sit on the lapels of our shoulders like sentries. We can be comfortably silent within the abundance and richness of our being, watching with the sacred knowing that we have no-one to account to other than ourselves and to God. Yet being in this place can only be because we have searched and found truth and because truth has allowed us to find her. And in that place of just being, in that place of living within the richness of our own souls, we can quietly climb mountains and build our empires reaching up further into the dimensions of the heavens and still silently maintain who we are.

Many tend to forget that strength comes from understanding our inner truth. Strength is not always vocal, it can be the silent footsteps that walk by your side. It can be the fleeting whisper of the voice of hope when your soul feels down, it can be a smile from a stranger just when you need a pick me up.

Find your inner truth and embrace it. Life is certainly a journey and sometimes we all battle with the distinction of what is truth. So you must let wisdom guide you, deep within yourself. Mediate on who you are and you will be revealed to you. And when you touch your truth, when experience feels you have learned the lessons of life, for that particular moment in time, then your truth will be revealed.


Esther Austin©All Rights Reserved 13 September 2008

Quotes by Esther Austin

God is the only higher source and power that can BE

Unconditional love nurtures and feeds the soul.


Many times the beauty of peace eludes us, becoming a distant dream, a constant yearning. Yet take time to be still and alone and you will finally understand that peace resides within you.


Little by little, day by day sow your dreams into the foundations of your empire and you will manifest life in abundance.


Procrastination lasts for as long as you give it focus and power.


To daydream is to float within the basket of the clouds, light, free.

We Attract unto us What we are - The Men and Women in my Life

As mentioned in my previous posting, I am at a place of change again. Always conscious of the shifts that take place within me.

Over the past two weeks, challenging as they may have been, what has helped to strike a balance are the following which have taken the edge off these challenges.

I met a friend last week who has recently come back from Zimbabwe as he had a gift for me. I have a wonderful yet close body of friends who love the outdoors and who love to walk and converse on a conscious and spiritual level. We reflect and evaluate life from all perspectives and the deep level of conversations that we have are always enlightening and informing. So it was nice to walk and talk and hear of his experiences in Zimbabwe and the friendships he formed and the opportunities that have come his way. Yet if you met the gentleman, you can see why he attracts good things his way. He has a strong sense of self, he gives unconditionally and his focus is not on reaping material gain, but on reaching out and helping others and in the helping and caring for he receives back and for each person in my life the same is true. For those who are not yet there, only time will tell and some I know will fall to the wayside. In the bible it states about everything being for a reason and a season.

I had some shopping to do and it was such a pleasant feeling when he paid for my groceries and carried my bags home. A few days later, I went to see a friend of mine who owns a shop in Catford where I purchased some CD’s and he gave me some free. Men hold doors open for me and greet me with a wonderful level of respect. I receive hugs and compliments constantly when we greet each other, and I am content in the knowing that because the “genuine intent” of those around me is about honesty and integrity and respect – that level of communication can never be mis-construed as anything else. Yet what I realise is that, when one has respect for oneself – one can only receive the same from others and also when individuals are grounded in who they are and in their self-worth. So on this level, I have to expect this level of wonderful treatment from the person who will share my life, eventually.

As I am allowing myself to open up more to the abundance that lies in store for me, I am drawing some wonderfully dynamic people into my arena. My female friends are wonderfully spiritual, supportive and caring individuals and as a collective, myself included, look out for each other with an unconditional love and respect that forms bonds and eternal friendships. My relationships with my male friends too have an incredible respectful unity, and are very supportive. Yet the key here is also that this is not a one-way street, because reciprocally, we all look out for each other. The beauty is that like attracts like and in that process, even though many of us are building businesses and are going to be incredibly successful, we still take time out for each other, in our busyness, because no man is an island. What is even more important is that for those who do not take time out to nurture relationships along the way, as they build, often times when the building is complete, they find that people have shifted and changed and as the saying goes “You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”

We attract unto us what and who we are and in that summary, as I continue to grow and evolve, as I continue to understand more of who I really am and put God first in everything I do and say, then I know he will always put the right people in my life at the right time. These individuals, at the time, may not always serve, to us what is a positive experience, but believe me they are there for a reason and like I’ve said before, there are no good or bad experiences, per se, just experiences – the importance is in the learning and what you do with the messages you receive.
Also remember that whatever you focus on, you will receive. So if you focus something positive or negative, that is what you will draw unto you.

I have had to learn to shift some of my thinking, because I have been drawing lack until myself in a few areas of my life. But now that I am equipped with the knowledge and understanding of how “what we ask for we get” works, I know that God has some dynamic things lying in store for my life.

On that note I would like to leave with you a quote which sums up everything:

“If we were more aware of our own shadow, we would not be afraid to look in the mirror” Esther Austin

I'm Taking Time out to get to Know Me Again

Recently, I have been going through some more changes and shifts within myself.
As always life is an ever evolving series of challenges and experiences. An ever revolving door of many experiences and dynamics which whether we classify them as “good” or “bad” experiences, represent experiences as a whole. Therefore, if being of a higher consciousness and having an innate awareness of ones self, what is key about such experiences is the learning from them and the messages that come from that learning.

I am very tired at the moment, mentally and emotionally. I have been burning the midnight oil at both ends and to a certain degree this is to be expected as I build my empire. Yet, I have also made great in-roads in learning to take time out for me, to have some quiet time. I try to pray and meditate for at least 20 minutes in the morning, every day –I find this sustains and grounds me for my day ahead.

Yet since coming back from Peru, my body has felt a little heavy and tired and I have felt particularly challenged over the past two weeks especially. As always, when I sense a shift within myself or the need to dig deeper within to see what is really going on inside of Esther, I get down on my knees and pray then I meditate. In the stillness of being, this is when answers come to me and time and time again the message to “Be still and know that I am God” and “Stand firm in who you are, Esther” is given to me. These messages after careful thought and reflection often tell me that I need to really take time out, not just a mere 20 minutes here and there but at least half an hour of just being still, not even to meditate nor pray. This quiet time is so that I can re-charge and allow myself to channel into the depth of me, where my thoughts can roam free and I can just “be” in that space for that particular period of time.

I realise I have made some profound achievements this year – yet I have lost a little of myself in the process i.e confidence and self-belief. At present, I am operating at around 65% of my real capacity.

I went for Reiki treatment today as someone kindly offered to give me some healing treatment, because she sensed I needed to be pampered. My back has been aching for a while and this has proven to be a manifestation of worry about something in my life at present. What came out of the consultation session was amazing. Everything that had manifested itself to me in my meditations over the past two weeks was revealed at this session and the most shocking thing to me, even though subconsciously I knew, was that I needed to work on building confidence, trust and love in and with myself. I needed to take a step away from the daily rigor of life and address “Who is Esther?” “What does Esther want from life?” “How can Esther really learn to love herself 100% again?” and “Do the people, situations and circumstances in my life serve me?” I had to answer “No” a few times, realising that if I want the best out of life, if I want what is best for my children and I then I have to let go and let God and understand that whoever or whatever God has got planned for my life, will be the best thing for me.

Somewhere in between the hurrying and scurrying and building and looking after and caring and nurturing of business, children and others, I had lost a part of me and now feeling drained and weary my body was saying to me, time out.

I will be going away for a brief period shortly and I will not be taking my laptop or work with me. I will be taking a few books and lots of music and I will begin to journal my feelings and the new experiences I know will happen to me as I find “me” time and as I learn to value and truly appreciate Esther for who she really is. I will be doing a lot of reflecting and sometimes even just sitting and just “being” me in that moment. I will also be going out and enjoying myself, tapping into the more adventurous side of me and allowing myself to be taken out and treated like the Goddess that I truly am.

I am not even waiting until I reach where I am going to start this new journey, but am starting this adventure now and you now what, it feels great and liberating already. I want to experience life with all its abundance and fullness. I now know more clearly than ever what and who I want in my life and only the best will do. I now feel a sense of relief that being open to the truth about who I am and having an awareness of what I need to work on, is helping me on my incredible journey through life.

Like Whitney Houston Sang “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all” – and I’d better believe it.

The Greatest Gifts are within us - and they are free

What is the true value of life if we do not have some simple and basic elements which make life complete. The joy of love, appreciation and gratitude is something which many fail to understand and utilize in their lives.

These are basic and simple gifts which we all have access to 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. These are wonderful gifts "which have no material value, yet their worth is more than silver and gold and their impact in and on our lives and those around us is more than can ever be counted.

These are the gifts which make us truly rich, because whether we are rich or poor in monetary and materialistic gains the ultimate test of the value we put on our lives is can we still access, understand and enjoy the above gifts only when we have it all, or can we still be in a place of contentment when the chips are down as well.

There are many more beautiful gifts available to each and everyone of us. It has been said that when things are free we fail to see the significance and importance in their value. For many of the beautiful things that we have access to freely, gifts which are within us, carved not by sweat, toil and tears but from the womb of unconditional and the purity or love, many of us do not recognize nor appreciate.

Everything we need to enjoy the basics of life is at our fingertips. Everything, that is, that will allow our souls to find contentment, peace, joy and love. If we do not have these elements within ourselves first, how then can we expect to find this in another person and our lives as a whole. Yet with everything in life, it is about acknowledging and recognizing what is before us and how we use these resources and more profoundly, it is about the recognition of the self. Once we get to know who we really are, then we can access all that is ready for us, embrace these gifts then share them as they were intended to be used.

I have just started to read "I Can Make You Rich" by Paul McKenna and I would like to leave you with a few quotes from that book which to me really put things into perspective:

"All wealth is created in the mind."

"The difference between the rich and the poor is that the rich have learned to recognize the value of their thoughts."

"because, as you will soon realise, being rich isn't just about you - it's about how you impact the world around you and the legacy you leave behind"


There is also a wonderful quote by Steve Forbes, billionaire publisher who says:

"The real source of wealth and capital in this new era is not material tings. It is the human mind, the human spirit, the human imagination and our faith in the future."

So take some time today to think about what is really important not only to you, but to those around you and how you personally make an impact on the world. With the above gifts at your fingertips - you can only but go from strength to strength and be a dynamic and positive force in someone's life.

The Art and Importance of Communication

Communication is one of those profound aspects of life which enables life to flow and exist on a plane which makes the world go around and life happen. Communication is an art in itself and one that often astounds us with its many intricate, complex and complicated ways of expression. It is certainly an expressive conduit, having a life force of its own in many dimensions and through many mediums.

Communication is not just what we say and how we say it. It is something which is universal in its own right and which spans language verbal and non-verbal. It is about building rapport, linking, making contact, integrating, blending and merging, reaching out, building bridges and crossing divides. What is always so amazing are the numerous ways in which communication takes place and still makes itself understood. Sometimes off the wall ways of communication still enable the process of rapport building to take place. Communication is what holds the basic threads of life together at a very cellular level, a continual intertwining and connecting of the unseen and seen, the verbal and non-verbal. It gives understanding to our existence through a means..

Body language a communication vehicle all of its own, sending out messages sometimes sub-consciously, without our conscious effort even realising that we have delivered messages of which we are not aware of. Perception then comes into play. How others perceive us, our behaviour, our actions certainly reflect back to us who we think we are. Yet going further still into the human psyche, exploring the depth of the soul itself, communication sets another trend. That of the soul and spirit which communicates and resonates on a level which many people, unless vibrating on a certain frequency, may never fully understand the subliminal messages that our spirit sends out. Reading energies another communicative gift. The beauty often on this realm is that of simply “knowing” a feeling communicated through the coming together and understanding of oneself and this form of communication can only be experienced through the surrealism of being in a higher place, not superior, just resonating on an ethereal or spiritual level.

We all operate at different levels. This in part, has to do with our journey and the path we are on. Pathways are put in place, not only to guide us, but also for our growth and ultimately our learning. There are many paths in life, each leading to an end result which therefore determines our destination. Then there are the experiences which mould us into the beings we are at this present moment in time. We are guided by various forces onto the paths we now find ourselves on, communicated to us by decisions we make, external and internal influences and many other dynamics of life’s persuasions.

Whatever we are about and wherever we are at this moment in time, was at some point in time communicated to us. We may not be aware of this as often times, in the basic living of daily life we become caught up in the dimensions of purely existence, whilst life whittles away, decisions are often made for us without us being aware. Once again communicated to us subliminally without our awareness.

Communication is a powerful tool, a tool that conquerors and divides, dependant upon which game you play and how you play it. Yet what is fundamentally key in terms of the importance of communication is that in this expressive cooking pot, which blends lives, experiences and the existence of humanity into a cohesive coalition of the bringing together of and uniting of - communication as with the power of love certainly makes the world go around, reaching deeper than the ocean and reaching up to touch celestial beings and even if it be said “other life forms.”

They say love makes the world go around. Well what could be said of communication is that “it expressively and subtly gives a platform to and holds the threads of the global voice of life together.”

Account of My Trek to Peru, The Challenges Faced and Lessons Learned

Hello All

I have yet to write about my trek to Peru and there have been many requests to-date for me to share my experience. Funnily enough, up until now, I have not felt a sense of wanting to share – maybe a tired resignation that it is done and dusted, an experience of a lifetime My main objective of doing this was to find peace from the pain of loosing my younger sister to breast cancer over a year ago.

Then again, there were quite a few lessons I learned up there at 4,500m above sea level. There were quite a few experiences which, if I share, will allow someone somewhere to reflect on their lives and look back at situations or experiences that have occurred in their lives.

I feel now is the time to open up a little.

Trekking the Inca Trail was certainly an incredible challenge. I had trained quite diligently for this event. It was something I had to accomplish, the end reason being that I was doing this in honour of my late sister.

Trekking the Inca, putting myself through this incredible challenge was for me a way to help ease the pain of the lose of my sister. I wanted to push my body as hard as I could. I wanted my body to be forced outside of its comfort zone and I guess subconsciously I wanted to feel as much pain as possible, so that in some way I could understand the pain my sister experienced on her journey with breast cancer. Yet I realised that nothing in this world could let me experience the pain my sister experienced, even by the experience I was confronted with on the mountaintop and many times over.

The first two days in Peru were for the group to acclimatise and to do a bit of sight seeing. The third day we went for a gentle walk and tour, then after that the real challenge began. On approximately day 5 of the trek after climbing for what seemed like hours on end, progressively going up the mountain step by step, camping, then continuing the journey upwards on the next day we reached the pinnacle of one of the mountains and then began our descent. It was around 4pm on this particular afternoon when my right leg started to wobble and shake furiously. I managed to find a rock to sit on hoping that the shaking would subside. A few of my fellow walkers stood with me, laughing and chatting and a little worried at my state. As I stood up to walk again, my whole body started to shake and my legs gave out under me.

I was quite taken back because of the intensity of the shaking and also due to the loss of control in both my legs. A wonderful person who I met on the trip called Chris, then helped me up again after about 20 minutes of sitting down and with my stick in one hand, I tried to walk, but I couldn’t as my body once again started to tremble and as I lost control again over my mobility, the trek doctor and a couple other men had to grab hold of me and put me in a sitting position. The doctor initially said it was fatigue. Then he radioed for a porter from base camp to come up and get me. In other words, I had to be strapped to the back of a porter carried back to camp. It was a scary feeling to realise that I no longer had any control over my body.

As I finally reached back to camp on that day, the shaking continued and I had to breathe into a plastic bag – I needed oxygen. I panicked slightly and my breathing had become ragged and laboured and it took a while for the shaking to stop and for me to regain some composure – all the while breathing into a plastic bag.

I was carried back to my tent to rest and hopefully tomorrow everything would be fine. I remember wanting to go to the toilet later that evening and two women from the trek kindly offered to help me, supporting me on both sides my arms over their shoulders. Thinking after some rest, my legs would surely be back in working order, I managed to get half way to the portable toilet when my legs gave way again and the shaking started again. Someone dashed off to get three men from the trek group to carry me. I managed to get inside the portable cabin and then because my legs could not hold me up, I crashed onto the toilet sending the whole tent collapsing. At this time I began to feel frustrated and totally helpless and I am not usually one to feel defeat.

The next morning I woke up feeling much better. I now had to walk at the back of the group with the doctor and two other local guides and the trek instructor as they wanted to keep an eye on me. After about three hours walking, my right leg started to shake and my whole body went into spasms again. It was then decided that I be given an injection to stop the pain and which helped with the shaking. It was a slow and long process for me, as this shaking hindered my progress, but what was great was that Chris and a few others stood by me. On many occasions, Chris who I now called my Guardian Angel, held my hand during the course of the day guiding me, stabilising me, talking with me and cracking jokes and it was good to talk and laugh, taking my focus off my progress.

Many times the doctor asked if I wanted to be carried when he saw me struggling, but I had to say no. I hadn’t come so many thousands of miles from London to be carried when I had come with a particular purpose and mission in mind. So for the next few days until the end of the challenge, I was topped up with injections every four hours and with my stick and the support of others around me, painfully and slowly made my way up and down the Inca Trek. Another wonderful Welsh gentleman whom I called my Guardian Angel No 2 called Rhys, Chris’ friend carried my bags in between times, kept an eye out for me and between them both I felt like a Queen.

Yet for me some of the most important things on the trek was firstly making it to the top, secondly the scenery along the trail was absolutely stunning. I cannot find words to describe what it was like. This is an experience that individuals will have to experience on a personal level. Thirdly, I have raised over the £2,600 that was required for Breast Cancer Haven and in that alone, I know this money will go to help Breast Cancer Haven provide services so importantly needed in order to help ease someone else’s pain. I certainly know that my sister’s pain was helped profoundly by this organisation.

Lessons Learned:

My spirit had already told me what lessons I had to learn about my “healing on the mountain top” and my experiences of total and utter loss of control over my body. I also had a rather powerful conversation with many close and wonderful spiritual friends, one being a beautiful person called Magnus who also revealed the below to me:

1 I needed to really take the time to look after myself better
2 I needed to relinquish control of my life and be open to receiving help and support both in my personal and business life.

I had spent so many years holding up a lot of things on my own, that I had become a bit of a control freak. Trying to do everything myself and not letting anyone into my life or space. Before I went to Peru, I was tired, exhausted, weary and had become a little disillusioned with my dream. I had asked God to please give me a break, give me a hand, open up the doorway a little wider for me to just see the trees through the wood. Now, that I have let go and let God, people and situations have now come into my life to help me on this here journey and it is great.

So the healing which took place was when God literally took me down onto my knees, humbling my carcass where I had to accept help from people around me to the extent of having someone hold my hand down a mountainside for hours on end as I wobbled my way to camp literally every night, tired, exhausted at the extra 2 hours I had to do in order to make it there – but you know what I did it. Yet what was also wonderful was the support and enoucouragement and caring from all those around me on the trek. it was wonderful how we all supported each other in some way, from the crazy room mates that I shared my room with.

I now know that God is refining and strengthening me every step of the way for the bigger role he has for me to play. For every barrier and obstacle there is a lesson in how we deal with them. For me it was a matter of keeping going and when the going got tough and the tough got going – ultimately it is in how one deals with this that defines who we truly are. I realise that with all this testing in my life it is for a reason. I realise that the role I have to play is enormous and I will be challenged often. Yet what God has told me time and time again especially over the past few months is “Stand firm in your own strength and ground yourself in me” and you know what I am not ready to be and take on whatever I have to do in this life, because I know what my divine purpose is and who I need to be.

On that note, I am already thinking of doing the Sahara Trek in 2010.

Quotes by Esther Austin

"Unconditional love nurtures and feeds the soul"

"Time is more than a healer, it is a place where one can re-discover the true essence of oneself again without hurry nor limitations of time itself."

"Reflection in the mirror of life means looking at those who live in your life"

"When everything is stripped away from you and all that is left is the whisperings of your soul, tis then you will realise that the only real thing of value in your life are family and true friends"


"Fear can only become our first name, if we succumb to its seductive arms."

Trek the Inca Itinerary - May 17th - 26th May 2008

Day 1 – Saturday 17th May
Travelled from London to Lime via Amsterdam. In total this was approximately a 16 hour flight.

Day 2 – Sunday 18th May
Lima – Cusco
We had to get up around 6am to catch a domestic flight over the Andes to the history city of Cusco (3400 above sea level). We were then transferred to our overnight hotel where we spent the next 3 nights. We were able to explore this afternoon and then had dinner at the hotel and a briefing.

Day 3 – Monday 18th May
We had another free day in Cusco. Quite a few people were now suffering from altitude sickness, such as severe headaches, vomiting, diarrhoea. I had a very giddy head and felt a little tired.

Day 4 – Tuesday 20th May
This was an optional day tour and included a visit to the Sacred Valley, the Inca site and a visit to the market town of Pisac. We had a gently hike over part of the Inca Trail which took me outside of my comfort zone.

Day 5 – Wednesday 21st May 4-5 hours
We left Cusco to visit Ollantaytambo and Huayllabamba.
Another early rise (around 5.30am) by coach to the market town of Ollantaytambo. This was our last visit before we reached the Inca Trail. From there is was another hour by coach before we started trekking at an altitude of 2500m.

We trekked two hours until lunch time. During the break there was a cultural talk as we overlooked the first of the Inca Ruins. From there we trekked another 2-3 hours to our overnight camp at Huayllamamba (3000m),

Day 6 – Thursday 22nd May 7-8 hours
Huayllabamba – Warmiwanuska (Dead Woman’s Pass) – River Paqaymayo
From Huayllabamba the trail climbed steeply along the banks of the River Llullucha. After about 2 hours, we took a break beside the river. We then continued for a further 2 hours through beautiful cloud forest until we stopped for lunch at Lullchampampa at 3850m. After lunch we set of slowly for the last 2 hours which took us over Dead Woman’s Pass – Warmiwanuska at 4200m. This was the highest point of the trek and the altitude made it a slow ascent with the air becoming increasingly thinner. From the top there is a steep and tiring descent to our camp in picturesque surrounds near the River Paqaymayo (3600m).

Day 7 – Friday 23rd May – 8-10 hours
River Paqaymayo – Runkuracay – Phuyu Pata Marca – Winay Wayna
Another early start. A 45 minute steep ascent to Runkuracay – 3800m, a small archaeological site. Along the way we trekked by a lack. From the Pass it is 45 minutes – 1 hour descent, which started with a short tunnel and then down stpes frollwed by a gradual downhill stretch to the well preserved Inca ruins at Sayaqmarca (3600m). After lunch we ascend then more gradual up-hills with some level terrain. We continue into lush forest valley for lunch. After lunch a steep ascent, into a short tunnel. At Phuyu Pata Marca (Town above the clouds) we stopped to enjoy the views and another cultural explanation. Afterwards it was an 1 12 downhill section through beautiful cloud forest Today was a very long and difficult day. Camped out.

Day 8 – Saturday 24th May 3-4 hours
Winay Wayna – Intipunku – Machu Picchu – Cusco
Another early start 4.00am in order to reach Intipunku (Gates of the Sun) for sunrise. The trail is undulating with a series of very steep steps. From here it is possible to glimpse the awe inspiring Lost City of the Incase, Machu Picchu.

Day 9 – Sunday 25th MayLate morning flight from Cusco to Lima. Transfer to the City Centre for lunch and last minute shopping before catching flight to London.

Day 10 – Monday 26th May
Arrive back in London.

Quotes by Esther Austin

QUOTES BY ESTHER AUSTIN

The love of a man is but a tear drop in the ocean. Yet if you aim higher than the moon and the stars, you will attract the love of your soulmate which will unfold in your heart like the flourishing of a dream.


This special love will surf on the wings of the wind, timeless, endless, a journey of togetherness and unity and you will both become one, a body of two blessed souls, unique within that cocoon of divine love.


Learn to love yourself first and foremost. You will find that this is the most noble and honest gift you can render to the world.


Learning to love yourself first and foremost is the best gift you can give yourself. Not acknowledging nor appreciating this gift you will surely sacrifice a harmonious, loving and fruitful relationship with those you love. Therefore, why hinder their chances of enjoying a fulfilling and beautiful life by your selfish actions of not loving yourself first?

All rightsreservedEstherAustinMay2008

My Own Personal Confession

Dear All

Usher called one of his albums “Confessions” and so I feel I must also take his lead to share something with you all which I hope will help many of you who are on a journey of self-discovery and who just may be “going through” at this moment in time. Yet, I will never give up on my quest to continue building my empire.

The past few weeks have been extremely, extremely challenging for me. I realise I am not unique in being in this predicament, but like the old saying goes “it’s not what you go through that counts but how you deal with the situation.”

I had allowed myself to become overwhelmed by life. As many of you know, I am building a business or should I say “empire.” But somehow, I had allowed myself to become overwhelmed by it all.

I am training for a sponsored event trekking Peru from 17th May to 26th May. One of the major factors for life becoming a bit of a burden was in my relentless pace of just work, work and more work. In my mind, I needed to start earning money and I wanted to look after my children the best I could. Therefore in the midst of all this, I had failed to look up to see where I was heading. I had failed to notice the tell tale signs of “burn out”, I had failed to notice that I was no longer listening to my spirit, my inner guide, to God’s voice. A series of events then occurred which totally threw me off balance and my world began to spin out of control and in the process I lost my spiritual connection to myself and God.

From the beginning of the year, I had began to take proper heed to those voices which said to “slow down Esther and look after yourself.” To me looking after myself was to spend a good half an hour in the sauna after my work out at the gym. I also started to go to bed around 11.30pm if I felt tired, ratherthan burning the midnight oil until 1am or 1.30am in the morning. Yet, my body needed more than that. It needed pampering, loving, it needed some serious time out, yet I continued to push myself harder and harder. What was also diagnosed after a session this week with a masseur was that I was holding a lot of tension in my back, that being I had not yet learned to deal fully with the death of my late sister over a year ago who I miss terribly and I guess I am still angry at the pain she suffered as I still see images in my mind of her suffering.
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What really attributed to this intense pressure over the past two weeks were my finances. The bigger and more spiritual part of me that was briefly in existence offered me the hope that everything would be alright and in my heart of hearts I know this to be the case. Yet, the more human side of me had began to worry. I had managed to keep the worry at bay for a while until things started to go belly side up around me.

At this stage, I should’ve got down on my knees even more and prayed harder. I should’ve taken more time out to meditate to calm and still my mind which would’ve enabled me to find inner peace and to show me guidance of what to do. These have always been my place of comfort when the going gets tough, along with listening to music. I also realised that I was somehow shutting down to the world around me when I failed to find humour in life and everything started to annoy me and I really began to retreat internally. I also developed negative thoughts and sometimes just felt the need to “punch someone’s lights out”

All these tell tale signs were a cry from my body to just take time off the fast train. Then last week my back went on me. My legs and back had been aching for quite a while and I had thought it was the intense training I had been undertaking, little did I know it was how I was using my laptop, which I would perch haphazardly on my knee and also from standing up in the Cold at Camden Market, where I sell my books and CDs. My back muscles had now become so tight I was like a brick, I was in constant pain. I have to have a succession of treatments to realign my neck and one of my vertebrae’s. Yet I have not become despondent. My journey has just begun as I know I am being tested once again.

After one incident too many when I said something untoward in an email to someone I love very much, I realised I had really been derailed. I was astonished that I could’ve gone so low with my remark and realised it was time for me to look at Esther in the mirror and commence a detox of mind, body and spirit.

I fasted for a few days and shut myself off from the outside world. I had to deal with my demons. I had to become authentic again. I was not prepared to stand up and talk to people about empowerment whilst being in this painful space. People commented on how my energy was low and the spark seemed to have gone out of me. But I knew that I had to take charge of me and deal with me.

I am not telling you all the above because I want sympathy. Hell no, because for me the above is all part of an entrepreneur’s journey and has taught me many valuable lessons about myself and how I operate. It has taught me the value of silence, of being still, of appreciating and respecting me. It has taught me that staying connected to God, the Universe, the one true source is the only way I could continue to be guided in the right path. This experience also taught me to listen to my body long before I get to the stage where everything shuts down. It has taught me that taking time out to enjoy and do absolutely nothing is ok. It has taught me that we only have this here moment. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, yesterday is gone, so having today, this moment is all that really matters.

So after detoxing my mind, body and spirit and getting myself back on track, it is a wonderful feeling to know I am in a space now where I can readily face my demons and deal with myself. I am glad that I am not in such a space where my spirit becomes unsettled if I do anything which does not sit well with my spirit.

As always I use this quote by Ghandi which says “Be the Change you want to see in the world.” Therefore, ultimately the buck always stops and starts with the self. We can use the blame game in life for ever and a day, but ultimately the buck stops with us.

I will now be taking time out on a more regular basis even if it means sitting and watching the flies on the wall. I want to see my empire standing yet if I continue at the rate I am going I will never glimpse that for which I am working towards. And you know what? All the other things I mentioned above have now taken second place, because my spirit has told me once again that everything is going to be alright.
I guess therefore, that God is testing me again and moulding me for the bigger things which he has in store for me and I have to be ready for that responsibility.

The Power of Music

Music has always influenced mood, been a powerhouse of self-expression, changed world views, changed history, been a voice for those whose voices no longer sing.

Music, a powerful medium an expressive conduit which can carves teardrops from within the soul either making us weep or sending us onto an ecstatic plateau where laughter permeates our very psyche. Music something which lifts and inspires, enticing us to come out of our shells, places where we often hide away from who we really are, enticing us to come out into the open, if only for a brief moment, to enjoy life and to enable us to look in the mirror of our inner souls.

To me “You Raise me up” is a fantastic melody of richness, depth, poignancy. The voices on this track serenade, entice, seduce, uplift. The power behind the words carry us into dimensions of an awakening of the spiritual and almost into an ecstatic abyss. Listening to this track I am often transported into a place where my heart feels as if to burst.

Music has always been an empowering medium for me. I have walked with different genres of music in my soul at different times in my life to suit my moods. When I need a dose of the sun in my heart, I can turn to a touch of Bill Withers and “It’s gonna be a lovely Day”, when I need to revive my sagging spirit I can turn to Chakka Khan with “I’m Every Woman” or “One Moment in Time” By Whitney Houston. When I want to get jiggy with it and throw all caution to the wind and just shake myself free from all inhibitions I put on “Ain’t no stopping us Now” by McFadden and Whitehead. Throughout all the various moods exhibited, I can engage and express myself accordingly, music giving me the freedom to express who I am at that moment in time, however I want.

Yet "You Raise Me Up" is one of those dynamic songs that takes me further than the experiences expressed above. It seems to seep into every part of my psyche and nervous system, creating a spirit of its own which transcends into a realm of surrealism. You may say that I am over-doing things here, that music is music a wonderful creative medium to enjoy and nothing more. But to me, a spirit who experiences life in depth, music is like a lover to me, something that brings out the best in me, influences how I feel, enhances how I feel, touches parts of my soul that nothing else can. So if you get the chance, listen to Il Divo’s rendition of “You Raise Me Up.” Josh Groban and Westlife have also rendered takes of this powerful song.

Reflective Listening to you all

Time

Time passes by
Relentless in its sweep
Gathering pace as minutes turn into hours
And days into months
Our lives becoming rolled up
into a moment of many dreams and visions
heartbeats existing within the single inhalation of breath
so fleeting, we can never catch the sound
as we exhale

Life, so very short
So enjoy this here moment
Embrace the soul who sits with you
In lover’s sweet encounter

Time passes by
this time
Slow in its embrace of life
A lingering whisper of thoughts
And bleary-eyed visions
Which glide out to the ocean
A mist of memories
lightly dancing on the frontier of existence itself

Life, still so very short
So enjoy this here moment
Embrace the soul who sits with you
In lover’s sweet encounter

Time a precious commodity
The treasure of all treasures
Unique in its power
A totality of control
yet empowered it reigns with
elegance and grace
No boundaries, nor guidelines
No walls to bounce off from
No written script, no standard guidelines
Free like the dove which sits in our hearts

Life, so very short
So enjoy this here moment
Embrace the soul who sits with you
In lover’s sweet encounter

Esther Austin All Rights Reserved 15th April 2008

Without a Vision Who are we?

Hello once again my good people

The past few weeks have been an incredible time. My journey as it surpasses many stages and walks many experiences has been incredible or even I may say awesome. Opportunities have presented themselves before me like never before and as my workload gathers pace and intensifies, I can feel it in my heart and spirit that my breakthrough is just around the corner. I know I am just on the periphery of breaking through.

My decision, 2 years ago to step out of the 9-5 was for me the best decision ever. I chose to follow my heart to pursue my dreams. Yes, there have been many challenges, yet it has been through these experiences that I have been moulded which have delivered the person I am now. They say that “Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration” and that is a truth that only those who have chosen to walk this road, can identify with.

I often say I work a 28 hour, 9 day week – yet what is so great about this path is that I absolutely enjoy what I do. I am passionate about what I do, I love what I do, I can see the bigger vision of what I do, I create the events of my day, I manage my own diary. For me there can be no better freedom than that of working for myself and creating an empire out of my own personal dreams.

When Dr Martin Luther King said “I have a dream” he didn’t just sit on it and moan and complain about the circumstances that surrounded him. The so called establishment at the time, did not care much for a man who was galvanising a people to fight for freedom and equality, and everyday he knew he would face threats and come up against incredible barriers. Yet what did Dr King have which also enabled many other great people to grace the history books of time? He had a dream and more importantly he had a vision.

Without a vision there is nothing to aspire to. Without a vision there is no beginning nor ending. Without a vision man cannot feed his spirit nor soul, because everything then becomes worthless, and life a constant treadmill – a staircase to heaven yet leading no-where. What this means is that the possibilities are there for each and every one of us, if we so want it, to go beyond the stars reaching for greater and better heights, yet often times the power of complacency and the grip of fear keeps us sedated in the here and now.

I started my first empowerment show called InspireMe on www.playvybz.com on Tuesday 18th March 2008. For me this was another chance to step outside my comfort zone, to see what other skills were laying dormant within me and to apply myself. I really enjoyed imparting my knowledge once again through another medium and for me now, I have given myself the challenge to see how far I can really go and what other avenues I can tap into.

People, the world is your oyster and we should scan the treasures of the great ocean of time, to find our fill and find out what we have to offer the world. Some of you are probably content to be where you are at and that is absolutely fine. Yet for those who strive for something more and need support in getting there, believe that you will find the resources around you to help you reach there. This is another favourite poem by Langston Hughes which I think sums up everything:


Dreams Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

Today I find myself Reflecting on Past Times

Today I find myself
Reflecting on past times
And the journey which I have just trod
I reflect on the experience
which have moulded me
and shaped my destiny
my thoughts, rivers which run
into the whole of me
powering the momentum of action
creating, breathing life into
the person who represents me
which identifies me as who I am
I am who I am at this moment in time

Today I find myself
On a spiritual ladder of contentment
Where I am easily guided into the
Moment of truth
No longer afraid to face my reflection
No longer afraid to look into my eyes and
Into the windows of my inner soul
I am revealed on many levels
Because truth imparts itself within and without of me
I am the mirror of who I am
I am the inner of who I am
I am the outer of who I am
I can no longer hide dark secrets about me
Because the conviction of my spirit which encapsulates my soul
Will not allow me to be inauthentic

Today I find myself
In a place where I have conquered many things
Yet still I strive for the betterment of myself
Yet still I rise, into the clouds of understanding
Continuously evaluating who I am
And what I stand for
What representation to others do I offer?
From what perspective do I live my life
And am I truly honouring and respecting who I am?
So that this be reflective of my life around me?

Today I find myself
Nodding the sentiments of the Great Ghandi
When he quoted:
“Be the change you want to see in the world”
For only in doing so, only in taking
Responsibility for ones own choices and decisions made
Can we truly find the contentment that awaits us
Just around the corner

So tomorrow I will find myself
Pondering on the actions of my yesterday
And realising that the continual striving
And journey of the self, has not yet begun


Esther Austin©All Rights Reserved 21st March 2008

Today I Finally Looked in the Mirror

I wrote this piece after speaking to a friend today. I had experienced the below two years ago when I had to look in the mirror. So I hope the below helps someone somewhere in the journey through life. Much love

Today, I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I whispered to myself “You are beautiful.” The silence that stretched before me surprised me. The ache that swept through my body, surprised me. I felt downcast, disappointed, rejected. My soul shed a tear at that moment because I had missed the reason why it was important to look in the mirror. I questioned my soul asking “Was this not what you wanted me to do? Am I not being authentic? Have I not taken the courageous step of confronting my fear of being able to face the mirror without fear, self-hate or pity?” What more did my soul want me to do? What more was expected of me? Had I not journeyed to this place for so long a time that exhaustion had swept its way into my very psyche?

As the tears welled up even more from within me, a pain like the sear of fire tore through me. Yet, still I could not understand. I wanted to walk away from that mirror, I wanted to smash that mirror, because the mirror was trying to tell me something, that I could not, at that moment comprehend. Yet the answer to this dilemma was right in front of me and I failed to see it.

I then turned to face that mirror once again, a determined and defiant glint in my eye. I stood in the silence of my own searching. I stood ready to receive whatever would unfold before me. Every part of me screamed for the answer to be revealed. What was it that I had done wrong? What was it that I was still searching for? Once again silence shrouded me. A small voice came to me to listen to the voice within. I needed to be still. I needed to learn to listen and only then would the truth be revealed to me. I had to learn to be obedient to my own inner voice. I had to learn to be obedient to the message that God was delivering in me and through me, but first of all, I had to learn to be still.

And then a voice came to me saying you deny yourself the right to be and feel beautiful. You reject the inner beauty of your soul and who you really are. I stared at myself and as my soul began to emerge from the dross I had built over it. As my soul began to emerge from the hate that had surrounded it. As my true self began to emerge from the point of stagnation, arrogance, fear and confusion that I had allowed to consume my inner spirit it suddenly dawned on me. I had chosen to use the wrong words. I had chosen to use words of a defeatist nature. I had to reclaim my personal power and responsibility to me. So the first line of this article should read thus:

“Today I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I shouted to the hilltops that I AM BEAUTIFUL. Because I had whispered to myself “You are beautiful” in that instant I had given away my personal responsibility to accept that I was worthy. In that instant when I “whispered” these words, I was stating that I was small and insignificant. In that instant when I addressed myself in the third person “You are beautiful” I had rejected my existence.

At this point of recognition, it was as if scales had fallen from my eyes and my body, heart, soul and spirit had finally been liberated. Therefore, once again I would like to reiterate:

Today, I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I shouted to the hilltops that I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I….AM……BEAUTIFUL


“Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave
I am the dream and the hope of the slaves
I rise, I rise, I rise”

Dr Maya Angelou

Learning the Importance of Spreading Love

Dear All

Just wanting to wish you all a wonderful Valentine’s Day. But then again, the spirit of this day should be celebrated, I feel as often as is possible.

I guess, for me the reason I state this is because we never know what is around the corner. Some of us may never see another Valentine’s Day, so does that mean therefore that we cannot show our love in the special way it was meant to be celebrated and appreciated at any time?

It is a wonderful gesture where one day is specifically set aside to embrace and acknowledge a theme. We have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and a plethora of other days, celebrating and giving credence to something which in theory is great. Yet in practice this can actually limit us in our thinking that this is the only day we can express and celebrate.

The majority of these celebratory days are usually to do with love and appreciation. Yet the key to love and appreciation is that we employ the expression of these attributes on a daily basis, more so starting with ourselves first. I try to instill this belief into everything I do, and with those people close to me. I tell my children everyday that I love them and that they are good boys. I endear them to kiss me before they leave the house in the morning and they do this unconditionally.

I tell my partner regularly that I love him, because to me it is important. I tell my good friend, who I often refer to as my “big brother” that I appreciate him and love him dearly. I don’t want to wait until something happens and these people are no longer around for me to think “if only.” I tell my other best friend often how I appreciate and love her as a sister.

I often find it amazing that when someone passes away, people come together, a social gathering to talk openly about the qualities, attributes etc of the deceased. We commemorate them, yet, I am sure for many they would be unaware of how many people really felt about them and how appreciated and loved they really were.

There is a saying that “the grave is full of rich people” in terms of people’s dreams, hopes and aspirations which have gone unfulfilled. Yet for me there also stems another saying “the grave is also full of sad, lonely and haunted souls who never felt or even knew they were appreciated or loved.”

In a world which is becoming more socially and environmentally conscious. In a world where man’s consciousness about humanitarian needs are striking a chord in many. In a world where many people are trying to do their part to give back, let us start with ourselves first. Let us learn to love who we are first and foremost and appreciate who we are as unique individuals and then let us share that love, let it spill out from within us to those around us and watch how your life and the lives of others around you will change.

Much love and respect to one and all always

Quotes about Self Love

“You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”


“I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself”
Mae West quotes (American Actress and sex symbol, 1892-1980)


“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely”
Carl Gustav Jung quotes (Swiss psychiatrist, Psychologist and Founder of the Analytic Psychology, 1875-1961)


“If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.”
Barbara De Angelis quotes (American researcher on relationships and personal growth)

The Potential of Falling in Love with Yourself

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely”
Carl Gustav Jung quotes

I will shortly be running a series of workshops throughout February 2008 on sensuality and empowerment. The above topic is one which is part of the series. Details of workshops can be found below. Yet you may well ask why a workshop on this subject? Tina Turner used to sing “What’s love got to do with it?” and this is so true for many of us today. We no longer love who we are and what we are about, in fact many of us no longer know who we are, so the potential of falling in love with ourselves can seem very remote.

How many of us can really say with conviction and certainly that we love ourselves unconditionally? And yes, this is a difficult question, much easier said than done. This is because there are so many things that influence how we feel about ourselves, how we view ourselves, our bodies. This therefore has an influencing effect on how our minds operate, our behaviour and as a result what we actually understand about “loving ourselves”.

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.” Author Unknown

Firstly, we live in a society which never really encourages or acknowledges self love. This is because the love of self often gets mixed up with arrogance and vanity. Yet to really learn to fall in love with who we are, with our very essence, with the shape of our bodies, the colour of our skin, our very make-up is often dissected into the minefield of what is portrayed to us on a daily basis. Through various mediums, from the tv, newspapers, magazines, billboards etc. Subliminal messages surface all around us on a continuous basis until we become puppets of a power more greater than we are aware of. Therefore, after a while our perception of self changes. We do not reflect back what we are being bombarded by. Our images do not mirror what is on our screens. This then often draws us to the false conclusion that we are “outsiders”, freaks, something wrong with us. Then the self loathing and chipping away at our uniqueness and inner beauty begins to happen, perpetuated by other things such as other people’s reactions to us and their limited beliefs. For others, the loathing of the self comes from very painful and negative experiences.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance”
Oscar Wilde

Self love is learning to love who we are no matter what the fashion statement of the moment, no matter whether size zero is in or not, regardless of which celebrity is wearing what or eating what. It is about you completely and utterly looking yourself in the eye and acknowledging your beauty, your uniqueness and what you truly are and also who you represent. Yet, in the quote above, by Oscar Wilde, this is a life long romance. Learning to love yourself is a journey of growth, enlightenment and awareness.

Therefore, the potential to fall in love with yourself, once you come into the light of awareness is a wonderful place to be. No longer will you feel inhibited by the controls and dictates of what the masses are doing or how they are dressing. No longer will you allow outside influences to persuade or sway how you feel about yourself. You will learn and can learn to be in control and you can once again access the potential to fall in love with yourself, time and time and time again.