Today I Finally Looked in the Mirror

I wrote this piece after speaking to a friend today. I had experienced the below two years ago when I had to look in the mirror. So I hope the below helps someone somewhere in the journey through life. Much love

Today, I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I whispered to myself “You are beautiful.” The silence that stretched before me surprised me. The ache that swept through my body, surprised me. I felt downcast, disappointed, rejected. My soul shed a tear at that moment because I had missed the reason why it was important to look in the mirror. I questioned my soul asking “Was this not what you wanted me to do? Am I not being authentic? Have I not taken the courageous step of confronting my fear of being able to face the mirror without fear, self-hate or pity?” What more did my soul want me to do? What more was expected of me? Had I not journeyed to this place for so long a time that exhaustion had swept its way into my very psyche?

As the tears welled up even more from within me, a pain like the sear of fire tore through me. Yet, still I could not understand. I wanted to walk away from that mirror, I wanted to smash that mirror, because the mirror was trying to tell me something, that I could not, at that moment comprehend. Yet the answer to this dilemma was right in front of me and I failed to see it.

I then turned to face that mirror once again, a determined and defiant glint in my eye. I stood in the silence of my own searching. I stood ready to receive whatever would unfold before me. Every part of me screamed for the answer to be revealed. What was it that I had done wrong? What was it that I was still searching for? Once again silence shrouded me. A small voice came to me to listen to the voice within. I needed to be still. I needed to learn to listen and only then would the truth be revealed to me. I had to learn to be obedient to my own inner voice. I had to learn to be obedient to the message that God was delivering in me and through me, but first of all, I had to learn to be still.

And then a voice came to me saying you deny yourself the right to be and feel beautiful. You reject the inner beauty of your soul and who you really are. I stared at myself and as my soul began to emerge from the dross I had built over it. As my soul began to emerge from the hate that had surrounded it. As my true self began to emerge from the point of stagnation, arrogance, fear and confusion that I had allowed to consume my inner spirit it suddenly dawned on me. I had chosen to use the wrong words. I had chosen to use words of a defeatist nature. I had to reclaim my personal power and responsibility to me. So the first line of this article should read thus:

“Today I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I shouted to the hilltops that I AM BEAUTIFUL. Because I had whispered to myself “You are beautiful” in that instant I had given away my personal responsibility to accept that I was worthy. In that instant when I “whispered” these words, I was stating that I was small and insignificant. In that instant when I addressed myself in the third person “You are beautiful” I had rejected my existence.

At this point of recognition, it was as if scales had fallen from my eyes and my body, heart, soul and spirit had finally been liberated. Therefore, once again I would like to reiterate:

Today, I looked in the mirror, finally finding the courage to face my soul. I shouted to the hilltops that I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I….AM……BEAUTIFUL


“Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave
I am the dream and the hope of the slaves
I rise, I rise, I rise”

Dr Maya Angelou