A Wonderful 2009 - to you All

Dear All

Yes it has been a while now since I have penned something on this site. What can I say. I have been busy - mostly in the throes of doing much reflection and analysis on who I am, now, at the end of 2008 and where I am going. Also, constantly working towards the greater vision and goal of where I want to be in life and it has been a wonderful journey of sorts this year.

I have had my back pushed against the wall so many times, this year it has been an incredible journey of perseverance, learning, growth and sheer determination. Often times, I have been on the verge of screaming from frustration and the sheer amount of work required to get my business up and running. I have been pushed to the limits in terms of juggling my children, temping, continuing building the business, delivering workshops – yet now that I have come to the end of another year – I am in a much stronger, more focussed place. More so, I am finally learning to relax into Esther and enjoy Esther more and give time to Esther more.

I have been doing much contemplation and there is much anticipation about the coming New Year and all the wonderful things I can look forward to in my life. How do I know that 2009 will be a different year or should I say a year when I will once again step up to the mark even more? Because I can feel it, I have seen it in my vision and dream it in my dreams every night. This year has certainly been a very very challenging year for me. I realise that for many people this same is true. Yet how I see these challenges now is how they have honed and toned me, making me into the person I now am, at this moment in time and I am feeling great.

I have really had to take myself apart many, many times this year and slowly put "me" back together. This has meant much meditation, prayer, spending time alone and being still within the presence of God and the Universe. Psalms 46 talks about "be still and know that I am God" and within the stillness of my own space, I have manifested some dynamic things. I have been able to go deeper within myself to see my future. I have once again began the journey of understanding who Esther truly is and experienced the talents and gifts that I have, learning to embrace them, with an authentic voice of gratitude and thanks.

I have had to learn to lean into myself and fully trust that I am guided always, in honesty and truth by a source greater than I and I have had to trust this source 100%at all times and lean into God's arms and you know what this has taught me? not to fear anymore, and to learn to just be "me." Often times, I have found that I have had my barrier up, not fully letting go and experiencing the "real" me in my own personal flow. This has meant that I have often given the perception of being a little more aloof that I really am and I realised this stemmed from me not fully trusting, whether not trusting myself or just trusting. Therefore, what I resolved to do was to break this barrier I often put up because I now wanted to enjoy life more, and enjoy me more and enjoy the fact that, once I fully trusted in God, the higher source, the Universe, then everything would be alright. In this knowledge therefore, I also realised that for me now, I do not equate life and its experiences as right or wrong , positive or negative, because to believe that whatever experiences I go through, I go through them for a reason. The beauty in this understanding is that, what are the lessons learnt from these experiences? What have I learnt about myself? and how can that, therefore, impact on my future?

Take a relationship I was in two years ago that went sour. I now realise that I had to experience that relationship and all the upheaval and heartache it caused in the end, to fully understand something about myself. I certainly learned a lot about myself and one key thing was this, I had to learn to love "Esther" 100% and not just 85%. I was expecting someone else to fulfil the other 15% of who I was, making me whole, but this meant that I was still giving away part of myself to someone else, which is a very unhealthy thing to do. I had to learn to take full responsibility for my role in this scenario and also understand that I deserved only the best. I also realised that I did not have to hold onto something that no longer served any purpose in my life. Therefore after that relationship, I worked on understanding Esther again and after much reflection an soul searching, another painful journey, but one that had to be taken, I asked God and the Universe to provide me with the most wonderful and suitable person for my life, at the right moment in time, and I have already visualised this person into being, it’s just a matter of time. The great thing about this spiritual journey is the manifestation of many things, because 5 years ago, I had visualised the gentleman from my previous relationship and 2 years after that I met him.

Therefore, I believe he was put in my path and life in order for me to undergo some real, serious learning and as the English say "By Jove" I learned some hard lessons, but lessons nevertheless that I had to understand and which have served me so well. The great Mahatma Ghandi once said "Be the change YOU want to see in the world. " Therefore does this not stand true that whatever we are about, whatever we experience in our life, ultimately the buck starts and stops with US.

So on this note, I would like to wish you all a wonderfully dynamic New Year. Whatever you want out of life, it is there for the taking. Just be honest with yourself, first and foremost, be authentic with who you really are, have integrity to your own self, your feelings, etc and you will experience your world in a most wonderful way. Much love to all you wonderful spirits of light and may you forever continue to grow through the power of unconditional love for yourself and your fellow men. A Blessed 2009