I'm Taking Time out to get to Know Me Again

Recently, I have been going through some more changes and shifts within myself.
As always life is an ever evolving series of challenges and experiences. An ever revolving door of many experiences and dynamics which whether we classify them as “good” or “bad” experiences, represent experiences as a whole. Therefore, if being of a higher consciousness and having an innate awareness of ones self, what is key about such experiences is the learning from them and the messages that come from that learning.

I am very tired at the moment, mentally and emotionally. I have been burning the midnight oil at both ends and to a certain degree this is to be expected as I build my empire. Yet, I have also made great in-roads in learning to take time out for me, to have some quiet time. I try to pray and meditate for at least 20 minutes in the morning, every day –I find this sustains and grounds me for my day ahead.

Yet since coming back from Peru, my body has felt a little heavy and tired and I have felt particularly challenged over the past two weeks especially. As always, when I sense a shift within myself or the need to dig deeper within to see what is really going on inside of Esther, I get down on my knees and pray then I meditate. In the stillness of being, this is when answers come to me and time and time again the message to “Be still and know that I am God” and “Stand firm in who you are, Esther” is given to me. These messages after careful thought and reflection often tell me that I need to really take time out, not just a mere 20 minutes here and there but at least half an hour of just being still, not even to meditate nor pray. This quiet time is so that I can re-charge and allow myself to channel into the depth of me, where my thoughts can roam free and I can just “be” in that space for that particular period of time.

I realise I have made some profound achievements this year – yet I have lost a little of myself in the process i.e confidence and self-belief. At present, I am operating at around 65% of my real capacity.

I went for Reiki treatment today as someone kindly offered to give me some healing treatment, because she sensed I needed to be pampered. My back has been aching for a while and this has proven to be a manifestation of worry about something in my life at present. What came out of the consultation session was amazing. Everything that had manifested itself to me in my meditations over the past two weeks was revealed at this session and the most shocking thing to me, even though subconsciously I knew, was that I needed to work on building confidence, trust and love in and with myself. I needed to take a step away from the daily rigor of life and address “Who is Esther?” “What does Esther want from life?” “How can Esther really learn to love herself 100% again?” and “Do the people, situations and circumstances in my life serve me?” I had to answer “No” a few times, realising that if I want the best out of life, if I want what is best for my children and I then I have to let go and let God and understand that whoever or whatever God has got planned for my life, will be the best thing for me.

Somewhere in between the hurrying and scurrying and building and looking after and caring and nurturing of business, children and others, I had lost a part of me and now feeling drained and weary my body was saying to me, time out.

I will be going away for a brief period shortly and I will not be taking my laptop or work with me. I will be taking a few books and lots of music and I will begin to journal my feelings and the new experiences I know will happen to me as I find “me” time and as I learn to value and truly appreciate Esther for who she really is. I will be doing a lot of reflecting and sometimes even just sitting and just “being” me in that moment. I will also be going out and enjoying myself, tapping into the more adventurous side of me and allowing myself to be taken out and treated like the Goddess that I truly am.

I am not even waiting until I reach where I am going to start this new journey, but am starting this adventure now and you now what, it feels great and liberating already. I want to experience life with all its abundance and fullness. I now know more clearly than ever what and who I want in my life and only the best will do. I now feel a sense of relief that being open to the truth about who I am and having an awareness of what I need to work on, is helping me on my incredible journey through life.

Like Whitney Houston Sang “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all” – and I’d better believe it.