SISTER'S PLIGHT WITH CANCER

Dear All

I have been quiet of late as I am dealing with a personal issue.My sister has been suffering from breast cancer since 2002 a journey that she has bravely battled.

The disease came back last year and this year it spread to her brain and throughout her body. She was diagnosed as terminal two months ago. Yet at no time did she nor her family ever regress into thinking that she would not survive, because we knew she was a warrior and we believed in a God who could do all things.

The cancer on the brain is making her suffer, her pain is incomprehensible to me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not exposing my personal business to you all for sympathy’s sake but to describe this rather surreal journey to you in the hope that someone out there may get something from all this as you too may have your own personal tragedy to deal with.

I am by no means advocating or preaching a sermon to anyone, for we are all individuals who deal with life’s circumstances in our own unique way. Yet what I would like to share about this journey are the following:I have had to lean into the arms of God more than ever before. This journey, though surrounded by a wonderful body of people, is at the same times lonely, because no-one can understand the pain that not only myself but my mother, sister and my sons are going through. This is because it is our own personal experience and pain. You too may have gone through something similar, but we are all unique individuals, and how we experience life will differ greatly, even if the experience is similar.

We all experience pain or rather deal with pain in different ways, yet for me when I feel there is no-where to snuggle into, when I feel that my pain will erupt from within me, driving me into the hands of insanity’s call, this is when I lean even further into God’s hands.For me, this journey is made bearable because of the strength I have drawn from God, from praying and listening to music and exercising. Music to me is a powerful and seductive medium. Another place where I can go and escape. Another place which touches my heart, my spirit, my soul, my pain with the melodies of enlightenment and upliftment.

For me also, this journey is about friendships, the coming together of a body of people under tragic circumstances, but the uniting of an entity of individuals whose strong faith, whatever their background and belief in God are paramount and strengthening.For me over the past few months, I know I have changed. I have grown stronger. I can feel a strength within me that through the pain of watching my sister struggle and suffer, grows. Yet it is more than just growth I am experiencing, but an emotional, spiritual and enlightening transformation.For me acceptance and learning to let go and Let God has helped. Whatever his will, I have accepted and this helps to conquer the subtle fingers of denial, which could so easily crawl its sly self into my present situation and confuse me.

For me, through my sister’s suffering, it is still a joy that friends and family can still find the rays of laughter within. Laughter is therapeutic. My younger sister and our body of friends and relatives are very positive, uplifting people with a great sense of humour, perspective, reality which keeps us buoyant and sane. And when we laugh or jest, it was good to see my sister smile, through her pain, even giggling at times and it is so, my sister.Therefore to me, the best thing we have is hope, faith, unity, strength and laughter. Otherwise, without these, I don’t know how I would remain strong and determined.

My sister’s perseverance to remain as independent as possible has been commendable. She can barely walk now or hold anything or see straight, yet her determination to hold onto independence and her dignity is faith in itself. Though it pains me to see her struggling with even the most basic and simple movements, chores etc, she is still determined. Frustration yes often renders her into tears, yet still she refuses to give up on the simplest thing of brushing her teeth. It is now not a case of doing things well, but being able to do anything at all.To me all the above teaches me a lesson and that is that life is too short, we never know when our time is due and that we should live each day as if it is out last, we should love passionately, and we should strive to do whatever sits passionately in our hearts and learn to take risks as well. Yet mostly importantly is it about loved ones and those you treasure the most.Yet this week, 20th November 2006, my sister is deteriorating rapidly.

My mind is now confused, my sense a whirlwind of pain, anxiety whilst hope still peeps furtively around the corner – yet I just want it all to end. Not for my sake and to ease my own personal pain, but for her sake and I pray that God takes her, in peace, with peace to a better place.

I have published a book for my sister called: Looking on from the Outside: Sister to Sister. The book is retailing at £7 and Proceeds go to the Breast Cancer Haven, at my sister’s request.Thank you


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