The Destructiveness of Gossip

Abandoning gossip, he abstains from gossip; he speaks at the right time, speaks what is fact, speaks on what is good, speaks on the Dhamma and the Discipline; at the right time he speaks such words as are worth recording, reasonable, moderate, and beneficial.

-Majjhima-Nikaya
From "365 Buddha: Daily Meditations," edited by Jeff Schmidt. Reprinted by arrangement with Tarcher/Putnam, a division of Penguin Putnam Inc.
I came across this as I was looking through an inspirational website called Beliefnet and was instantly able to relate to the above.

The beginning of July 2007, I went on a course. Three days into the course I wanted to scream and felt very uncomfortable and hemmed in. WHY? Because I found myself in the middle of the “gossip triangle”. I was allowing myself to get caught up in something that felt very very uncomfortable within my spirit. I have never liked gossiping and the more I grow as a person , the more I grow deep within myself and understand myself and life more, the more I grow spiritually, is the more that I become uncomfortable with “Untruths and lies” and other things which do not edify life nor spirit.

A series of events had occurred on the course to cause disgruntlement, which was understandable but by day 3 things got a little heated. There was one particular young woman, who I identified as being power mad, who felt it her duty to try to control the flow of conversation within class conversations, who tried to put over her views onto other people’s opinions and who usually had a lot to say. Yet what caused me to withdraw was the occasion of having her moan and complain and get on the gossip train about a series of things. At this point I withdrew and had to leave the table. Yet this gossiping had a rippling effect on the whole class and by the end of the day many people were suffering from headaches and the mood in the class was very despondent. Yet more potently, this gossip caused divisions within the class.

I am not saying I never gossip, because sometimes we all get sucked into things that we do not want to and I too must constantly be aware of my part in any scenario. Yet, I try to be aware of when this is happening and I try instantly to withdraw myself from any situation which could prove to be unhealthy and unsavoury.

The above situation just shows how important it is, therefore, to be aware of our beliefs and values, which all incorporate what we stand for as individuals. We need to know intimately what they are and their importance to how they impact on our lives and then the lives of others.

Beliefs, as we know, are assumed truths, things we have been told from our childhood, either by our parents, our peers, our teachers etc. Yet sometimes, these beliefs have and can become warped and unless we get to know who we are, unless we have been on a personal development journey in the quest and search to know who we are, any warped beliefs will follow us throughout our lives like a shadow, because we will not be in a place to understand nor identify then as lies.

Our values are things which are the foundation upon which our lives are built, they ground us, it’s about knowing who we are. They are things like honesty, integrity and truth. Without being aware of what we are in our beliefs and values, then we are liable to get sucked into destructive and negative forces.

The tongue is a very destructive instrument if used in the wrong context. We must be so careful what we get caught up in and what we say. For everything that life is about, it is about awareness. Awareness of self, brings one into a new dimension, it helps us to identify things which we may otherwise be blinded to. Life is a continual experience of learning and progression and awareness, so let us all try to be more aware of how our behaviour impacts not only on our lives, but on our environments as well.

The below are excerpts I have taken from the following website http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,49-1-690-7,00.html which talk further about the destructiveness of the tongue.

“The Prophet Joseph Smith deepened our understanding of the power of speech when he taught, "It is by words . . . [that] every being works when he works by faith. God said, 'Let there be light: and there was light.' Joshua spake, and the great lights which God had created stood still. Elijah commanded, and the heavens were stayed for the space of three years and six months, so that it did not rain. . . . All this was done by faith. . . . Faith, then, works by words; and with [words] its mightiest works have been, and will be, performed."1 Like all gifts "which cometh from above," words are "sacred, and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the Spirit."2
It is with this realization of the power and sanctity of words that I wish to caution us, if caution is needed, regarding how we speak to each other and how we speak of ourselves.

There is a line from the Apocrypha which puts the seriousness of this issue better than I can. It reads, "The stroke of the whip maketh marks in the flesh: but the stroke of the tongue breaketh the bones."3 With that stinging image in mind, I was particularly impressed to read in the book of James that there was a way I could be "a perfect man."


There is a saying that goes something like this –“ Be careful what you ask for, for because you might just get it.”