LEARNING TO TRUST IN THE UNIVERSE, LETTING GO AND LET GOD

It’s been a while, since I penned my thoughts. There has been a lot of shifting and changing going on over the past few months in my life on quite a large scale. Such has been the shift that The Beacon Healing Space which I was due to launch – I had to cancel at the last minute. A matter of standing in my integrity and as a matter of principle.

Sometimes on this journey, we are presented with experiences and it is dependent upon how we view those experiences, which then informs how we approach life.
Sometimes these experiences come at us fast and furious. As soon as one hurdle has been tackled another immediately presents itself to us. In the frustration of such presentations, we can often become so caught up in the jumping that we fail to stand back before the leap, to view the panoramic view of the situation around us, to exhale and to go in gently and objectively rather than with haste and fear. And that is what has been happening to me.

I must admit to being a workaholic. I create ideas quickly and easily and then va va vroom after them. Yet, I say with tail between legs, this has not proved productive, having my hands in too many pots. This is something which I fall into on occasion which meant I had to go back to the drawing board to really re-brand and specifically define what my business offered, to re-discover my USP and to be specific where I put my energy into.

Therefore as I now look back over the past two months more so, they have been incredibly frustrating for me and as a result I have been yo-yoing emotionally. Bat and ball, hell no, boomerang it felt like, back at me all the time. The past two weeks therefore have proved to be a time of enormous shifts where the universe forced me to stop, take stock, properly this time Esther (so says she again tail further between legs....peeps this is an admission I don’t really want to make) and to get some rest. I slept so much last week and the week before you’d think I hadn’t slept the whole year. Yet I also realise part of the tiredness was because I was growing spiritually which often means I retreat and sleep a lot.

I have been reading the most amazing books one ‘Conversations with God’ by Neale Donald Walsch now ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tollie. So much incredible learning in those books. So much so that I chose to take away and evaluate about me. One thing that comes to mind was the mention of the two spectrums which many of us operate from. Fear or Love. Dependent therefore on which end of the spectrum we operate from, this drives our experience of life and how we experience the experience. I have also been learning more about trusting and totally letting GO. Believe me at times I was still holding on to the letting go. Then my eldest son said something this week which made me take a step back. Remember out of the mouth of Babes....... He said believing that you can get what you ask for was like posting a letter. If you post the letter, you have to let it go, in order for it to drop into the letter box in order for it to arrive at its destination. But if you put your hand in the letterbox and still hold onto the letter, you have not posted it and it cannot arrive.

Therefore, when we learn to trust in God/The Universe (whatever you call your higher source) then we know we are being divinely guided. Yet when we slip off that pathway with our own agenda, that is when pain and doubt and fear creeps in. Hard dough.

The journey of being an entrepreneur is fraught with many ‘challenges’ and note I place that word in parenthesis because it is how we perceive what we are going through, which therefore informs how we deal with situations. Yet my learning this year more so than ever has been amazing. The tests I have been given I know have been to inform who I am learning to ‘be’, to inform how I operate in this world and to inform and educate me for the work I am doing and will continue to do.
But basically in a nutshell I had to learn to ‘LET GO AND LET GOD’ do his thing and you know what, what a relief. I can see the woods through the trees, there is a fresh sense of purpose and yes, tail still between the legs, but I had a lot of adjustments to make about how I was thinking and even to look at my belief structure.

I often reflect and look at whatever I do and how I personally operate. I always go back to what Mahatma Ghandi once said “Be the change you want to see in the world.” When we can reflect upon who we are and our actions and then watch how they play out on the external of us, we can truly learn many valuable lessons which ultimately empower who we are.

I am feeling very different now. After much reflecting I realise I needed to experience all that I did so that I could be fully present to open myself up to trusting what is already in my space. This has also taught me to be ever present with the attitude of gratitude, to say thank you even when I feel that the tide has turned, leaving me on the shore, tired, washed out and wondering - where to next? Ah haaaaaaa

Sending you all much love always